At Last Read Online Free PDF Page A

whispered the words that
had haunted him since that day, words he’d never spoken aloud. “It
was my fault.”
    “ Ian, no--“
    “ Yes .” Gut churning, he raised his gaze to hers.
“ I’m the one who
wanted to return to Melrose. To attend a riding party scheduled for
the following day.” A bitter sound escaped him and he pulled his
hands from hers to press the heels of his palms against his
throbbing forehead. After drawing a shuddering breath he continued,
“The carriage threw a wheel and went over a rocky ledge.” The
sickening sensation of the carriage rolling over and over tightened
his stomach and the sound of his mum’s and Fia’s screams, mingled
with his father’s and Ian’s shouts echoed through his mind. And
then the silence...the terrifying silence.
    He dragged his hands down his face. “I lost
consciousness. I don’t know for how long. When I came around, I
discovered my mum, my da, my sister Fia, as well as the driver were
dead.”
    The carriage passed beneath a gas lamp,
illuminating Ian’s features and Sophia’s heart squeezed at the raw
anguish in his eyes. “Dear God, Ian.” She reached out and once
again clasped his hands, noting that his were cold and trembling.
“I don’t know what to say other than I’m so terribly sorry for your
loss. And that you must stop blaming yourself.”
    “ Why? If I hadn’t been so
intent on returning home, they’d still be alive. They all died, yet
I was barely injured. Just a bump on my head, some bruised ribs and
a broken arm.” He looked at her through bleak eyes. “Why I didn’t
die as well? God knows I wanted to, and God knows I considered
taking my own life.”
    The pain in his eyes, in his voice pierced
Sophia’s soul and she clung tighter to his hands. “Thank God you
didn’t.”
    A humorless sound escaped him. “The only
reason I didn’t was because the people of Melrose and the
neighboring villages that had depended on my da and Marlington
lands for their livelihood now depended on me and the
responsibility wasn’t one my conscience would allow me to shirk.
Looking back, I’m not certain how I did it when the mere act of
drawing a breath seemed an effort.”
    “ I understand that feeling
very well,” she murmured. “Losing someone you love is like losing
part of yourself. I cannot imagine the pain of simultaneously
losing three people you loved.
    He nodded then continued, “It wasn’t the
responsibilities of running the estate that confounded me--my da
had taught me well. Indeed, I was grateful to have something to
occupy my time. What I couldn’t tolerate was people looking at me
with pity. And the constant talk of the accident--I didn’t want to
talk about it. The stream of callers never stopped, and as the
months passed the callers came to include mothers toting along
their marriage-aged daughters. That’s when it dawned on me that I
was one of the most sought-after bachelors in Scotland.
    “ In the months that
followed, I felt like a hunted man. I couldn’t venture into the
village without hearing the whispers. Match-making mothers from
every level of the peerage sought an audience with me under the
guise of sympathy calls, not to mention the women themselves who
thought a man in my position required a mistress, or at least a
short term liaison. I finally stopped accepting callers and no
longer left the estate. I soon was referred to as a crabbitt
recluse.”
    With his gaze steady on hers, he said, “The
day I met you, I’d wandered the estate for hours, reflecting on the
horror of the past year and all I’d lost. Wondering how, where I’d
find the will to face another year. To face another day. And then I
saw you. You were like a vision in the sunshine, sent to remind me
what happiness looked like, felt like. I’d been numb for so long,
and when I realized you didn’t know who I was, thought I was the
groundskeeper, I couldn’t resist allowing you to believe it, at
least for a little while.”
    He reached out