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cry, but I clench my teeth and hold it back. If I start, she’ll be over here hugging me and smoothing my hair and that’ll just make me feel worse. My family will never be anything like Cody’s. While I’m happy that for the past couple of months I’ve been able to pretend to be a part of their family, I’m not. At some point I’ll be returned to my own parents. I can’t afford to get used to being treated this way.
    “Okay, look, Lyla’s had a trying morning, so I’m not going to belabor the point”—she stops to give us each a pointed look—“
this
time. But I won’t have you two sneaking out of the house again, understand? If I feel like I can’t trust you, I’ll have to rethink this arrangement.” She doesn’t come right out and say that she means my living here, but she may as well have. I get it.
    “So, that’s it?” Cody looks at her hopefully.
    She laughs out loud. “Uh, no. Your dad’s going to assign you some shifts at the station
and
I’m drafting you both into working the Winter Festival. I still need a few attendants at the ice-skating rink.”
    Cody’s mom is in charge of this big charity festival that the town puts on to raise money for the fire and sheriff stations. She’s been busy with it ever since I started livinghere. Cody’s been sidestepping her pointed hints that we help out. He wouldn’t even let me volunteer. I can tell it pleases her that he has to help out now. I just don’t see how this is really a punishment.
I’ve
been dying to go to the festival ever since I heard about it. It sounds like something out of a movie. I keep envisioning giant stuffed-animal prizes and carnival games. Once or twice I even fantasized that Cody and I were riding a Ferris wheel and got stuck at the top like Fern and Henry in
Charlotte’s Web
—until I remembered that it was almost Christmas and way too cold for that sort of thing.
    Cody groans loudly. “You can’t be serious.” He looks at me. “We’ll spend the entire day stuffing nasty kid feet into skates.”
    I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. Cody is totally grossed out by feet. The boy can mix up a vat of fake vomit, but he can’t stomach bare toes. He’s not supposed to know that I know this. His sister told me the first night that I stayed with him. Cody looks at me, then raises his face toward the ceiling and yells, “Taylor! You suck.”
    “Good morning to you too, little brother. Cranky much?” she yells down the stairs. I hear a door close upstairs and then the sound of running water. Taylor’s a “never let them see you looking less than your best” kind of girl. She won’t come down until she’s completely ready for the day.
    “You’re getting off easy, son. Waking up to find you gone isn’t something I want to go through again,understand? I’ve got too many gray hairs already,” Cody’s mom says as she gets up. She smacks his back lightly as she moves away from the table. “Now get Lyla some breakfast. I think there’s some leftover egg casserole in the fridge … if Cody’s father hasn’t eaten it all.” She heads down the hallway and toward the stairs.
    Cody smiles at me. “See? Nothing to be scared of.”
    Maybe not here, but when I think about what happened this morning I can’t help feeling like maybe this is the only place where that’s true.

All the Outsiders can offer is persecution and disappointment. Who in their right mind would want that?
    —Julie Sturdges, member of the Community

FOUR
    I’m trading one disguise for another today. Yesterday it was a beard, now it’s a pound of makeup and a calculatedly casual hairstyle. If I start both days in basically the same way, what are the odds that they’ll turn out equally awful?
    I glance at the clock on the dresser. It’s six forty-five. School starts in less than an hour. My first day. Ugh.
Why did I ever think I would be able to do this?
I shake my head and try to calm down.
    “I can be normal. Blend in,” I tell