As You Are Read Online Free PDF Page A

lit it, and inhaled. “She is so screwing every guy at the office.”
    Our waitress arrived and fired off the specials. We ordered and shooed her away.
    “Which one?” I asked with a greedy expression as I glanced back, nudging my head at her two friends.
    Gabby rolled her eyes in disgust. “The one with the big tits.”
    “You always hate women with big tits.” I mixed up my own garlic and olive oil.
    “That's probably because I have no tits,” she admitted.
    “I like your tits.” I looked at her chest as she pushed them out for me. “They're cute and perky.”
    “You probably like them because they're boyish,” she said with a look of insolence.
    “Joe hit me up for a date with you again.” I shook my head at her and placed my napkin in my lap.
    “Isn't he sweet?” She leaned back in her chair, straining to see him behind the bar. “What a cutie; it is tempting,” she added as a sex-kitten expression came over her face. “I do love Italian men.”
    “And Latin men and African American men.” I took a sip of wine.
    “What can I say? Ethnicity makes me hot.” She shoveled in another chunk of bread.
    “Yet you've been with Mr. White Bread for almost two years.” I leaned over and cadged the cigarette out of her hand to take a quick puff.
    “I know !” An amazed expression took over her face as I handed the ciggie back to her. She took a last drag before dousing it out in the ashtray.
    “Why do you think you've stayed with Brad so long?” I asked, tapping my finger on the lip of my wineglass.
    “Well, I'm not sure,” she said with a strained expression. “I love him, I guess. I mean I must, right? I think it has something to do with that Southern accent. I love the way he says baaaaby . Plus, he's amazing in bed. The things he can do with his dick.” A very large and greedy smile spread over her face. “My nine inches of nightly therapy.”
    “Jesus, more information than I needed to know.” I winced, looking up at her. “Well, as long as you have your priorities straight.” Nine inches of pain. I'd take one look at that thing and run out the room screaming.
    “Well, Christ, Julian.” Gabby threw her arms on the table. “I'm sorry we don't all fit into your fantasy ideal of true love and romance. Overall, I'm happy. What the fuck is love, anyway? What one person can decide that for everyone?”
    “Calm down, Stressetta. I wasn't attacking you.” I took another long drink.
    “No…not intentionally.” She eyed me suspiciously as she lit another cigarette. “You just have this way of looking down at people who don't conform to your ideals of true love.”
    “I do not!”
    “Yeah, you do,” she accused, setting her lighter back down on the table. “You don't mean to, I know, but subconsciously you do. Take Danny, for instance. Here's a man you've carried a secret torch for over the past year and, if you ask me, still aren't over.” She fired that last bit off and grinned all evil-like. “The entire time you've come to me and bitched about these guys he occasionally brings home.” She held up her hand, cutting me off as if instinctively realizing I was about to protest. “Knowing the way you embellish, I'm assuming there weren't as many as you've led me to believe.”
    She enjoyed pegging me correctly as I huffed and sat back in my seat.
    “Instead of confronting him, telling him you have feelings for him, you just sit by, judging his every move. I think you're secretly pissed he's never come home and bent you over the kitchen table.”
    “That is so not true!” I folded my arms and sat back in my chair. “I don't judge him or anybody.”
    “You are so blind to your own faults.” She smiled. “You're a love bigot.”
    “That is ridiculous.” I reached over and swiped one of the cigarettes out her pack. “If you're happy merely spending the rest of your life with a penis, regardless of whom it's attached to, then I'm happy for you…honestly.”
    “See!” She pointed