Andy Stevenson vs. The Lord of the Loins Read Online Free PDF Page B

nobody understands him doesn't make him an artist."
    "Well...” I stood up and grabbed my coat and backpack. “...I've got some work to do before my next class.” I had to get home and make sure I had an outfit for tonight!
    "I'm outta here, too.” Kim got up and grabbed her gear.
    "What are you talking about?” Ryan looked at us like we were crazy. “I thought you guys had at least an hour and a half before you had to leave."
    "And just look at how fast it's gone by.” Kim looked at her watch and then back at Ryan. “It just goes slower for you. I've heard that about people with Napoleon complexes."
    "What?" Ryan yelled.
    "Neapolitan complexes,” I offered. Obviously, she'd said it wrong.
    "I know what she...” He glared at me. “Hey, both of you can suck my ass."
    "I'm on appetite suppressants.” I put my jacket on and wondered what kind of cologne I should use tonight. Irish Spring did wonders for me on one other occasion, so cologne should definitely improve my chances. Maybe Brut.
    "See you guys tomorrow?” Kim called over her shoulder.
    "Fine.” I took off towards the stairs, several variations running through my mind about how the date could go tonight and how I could use what I learned over the summer.
    "Fine.” She hurried toward the elevator.
    "Fine?” Ryan was stunned, but still managed to call after us.
    I didn't have a clue what he said, and while I'm sure it wasn't nice, I didn't care. The most unexpected thing had happened. I had a date tonight!
    * * * *
    My room was a total disaster. Clothes were scattered all over the floor and bed in various combinations, but nothing really worked. It seemed I only owned T-shirts, and most of those either had pictures from Star Trek on them or wolves. I did have one nice white dress shirt and a new pair of dark-blue jeans that went together okay, but something was missing.
    I tried them on and looked at myself in the mirror from several different angles. A tie maybe—and I definitely had to do something with this hair. Hairspray only worked on it for so long, and the static psychotherapy stuff combined with the wind outside dramatically shortened its lifespan. To make matters worse, I only had boots or tennis shoes to choose from to complete an ensemble.
    "God, I have nothing to wear.” This was both chaotic and idiotic! Women never went through this much crap to look good, did they? Guys never worried about this, so why was I? I kept asking myself that all the way to the shower while carrying my bar of moisturizing soap, vitamin-enriched fresh scent apple shampoo, conditioner, buff-puff, cleansing cream, invigorating cream, revitalizing cream, some othering cream, Brut scented shaving cream, razor and a never-before-opened bottle of Old Spice aftershave. I could have brought the fresh apple scent conditioner as opposed to the regular kind, but a line had to be drawn somewhere.
    I dried off after the shower and quickly set about gelling my hair. This could take hours! I hadn't done this since high school and even then not since Footloose was popular. Man, I loved that film...
    Still, gel would help me survive the elements. Wouldn't he notice something was odd if my hair wasn't moving, though? Probably. Well, I could always say the wind froze it in place and that I was just warming it up. He'd buy that.
    A few of the guys on my floor stared at me when I walked back to my room, and I thought I could detect the faint sound of snickering but couldn't be sure. It was only after I put everything I was carrying down on the dresser that I noticed my towel had fallen off somewhere along the way back to the room.
    A few smartass catcalls later, I had the towel back and was wrestling with adjusting the clip-on tie so it didn't appear like the imposter it really was. Fortunately, the jeans fit perfectly, as did the shirt; but I knew I was going to freeze on the way over to Tristan's apartment, which I had located earlier using the student directory. To compensate, I dug