An-Ya and Her Diary Read Online Free PDF Page B

Penny,
    Older children did not go to the baby room in the orphanage. I was different because I took care of Abby. I didn’t take great care of her, but they let me in anyway.
    Abby was too old for the baby room. I don’t know why she was still there. She was too old for a bottle. But that is what they gave me to feed her. She slept in a crib, and sometimes I would sleep next to her. I slept on the floor. Her crib looked like the other cribs that lined the baby room walls. It was a metal crib, and she would look at me through the metal bars. I tried not to worry about the other babies. There were too many, and I knew I couldn’t do everything for everybody. So I just looked at Abby in between her gray metal bars.
    At night Abby would peek through the metal bars and point to her nose. She wanted me to touch it. She was happy when I tapped her nose at night. If I reached up and touched her nose, then her legs would kick and her whole body would smile.
    The problem was that she kept asking over and over. She would look at me through the bars and whisper my name too many times. Once I was so sick of it that I pinched her nose really hard and left a finger nail mark in her pale skin. She continued to peek at me through the bars with wet grey eyes. But she didn’t ask again.
    The next day she had a black spot from my pinch. The black spot lasted a long time.
    59
    Dear Penny,
    The noises in America are quiet. In the morning there are birds that sing. Their songs remind me of when I used to sing in China. It must be nice to be a bird and sing all day. Some birds sing the same song, and some of the birds never seem to sing the same song twice.
    I know the sounds of my family’s feet. I can tell who is walking and where they are going. Ellie’s feet are light and quick. Wanna’s feet are slow and soft. Daddy’s feet are the loudest.
    Wanna likes to use her sewing machine in the morning. It makes a humming sound with clicks that change from slow to fast.
    Daddy goes to work in the morning. I can hear him washing his face, the swish and spit when he brushes his teeth and the flush of the toilet.
    Ellie likes to play Legos in the morning. I listen to her spill them all out of the bucket and begin to snap them together.
    There is a flag pole outside my room. On windy days I hear the flapping of the flag and the tapping of metal. It is the only sound that is familiar from my old life. When I couldn’t sleep in the orphanage, I would tap the metal leg on Abby’s crib.
    I don’t make any sounds in the morning. I lie still and just listen.
    60
    Dear Penny,
    There was a boy in the orphanage that I hated. He was missing a part of one arm. Beneath the elbow was nothing. The elbow was smooth and round. He was long and skinny and one of the meanest people I ever met.
    One day Abby was missing. I couldn’t find her anywhere. It was strange and I started to look all over. I asked the nannies where she was, and they didn’t know and they definitely didn’t care. They were too busy with the babies to worry about it.
    I walked around the orphanage and went in every room. I even went into rooms that I knew I wasn’t supposed to go into. I walked in circles, and she was nowhere to be found.
    As I was walking up and down the halls, I heard the Mean Boy yelling. At first I couldn’t tell where his voice was coming from. I opened doors and he wasn’t in them. I knew that if I could find him, then I would find Abby. I don’t know how I knew. I just knew.
    Then I stopped in front of the cleaning closet, and his voice grew louder. He was in the closet. It was a large closet with shelves that went high to the ceiling. I stood very still and listened for a minute. He was shouting—
    You are so ugly! You are gross! You are stupid! Your grey eyes are the eyes of the devil!
    I wanted to walk away, but I couldn’t. I opened the closet door.
    He didn’t even look at me. He kept doing what he was doing for who knows how long. Abby was on the floor.