Am I Normal Yet? Read Online Free PDF

lullaby voice, gently pushing my head into a taxi. She and Amber climbed in after me.
    â€œCan you take us to the top of Dovelands Hill?” she asked the driver.
    He turned round to protest. “Isn’t it a bit dark?”
    â€œWe’re big girls. Just drive.”
    I stared out the window as the darkness sped past us, stunned. Bad thoughts, followed by worse thoughts, mounted up in all my available brain space.
    BAD THOUGHT
    You can’t even keep a guy for a whole first date.
    BAD THOUGHT
    It’s because you’re ugly and stupid and disgusting and you’ll never get a boyfriend.
    WORSE THOUGHT
    He could tell you were mental. He just used you to get an invite to a party so he could meet normal girls.
    I didn’t notice Amber stroking my hand, the sympathy in her eyes. Or Lottie paying the fare and dragging me out onto some scrubby grass. Not until they sat me on a bench overlooking the town and offered me a cigarette.
    â€œNo, thanks, I don’t smoke.”
    â€œTonight you can,” Lottie said, shoving one between my lips.
    â€œI don’t even know what to do.”
    â€œJust suck it. It’s horrible. I think I’m only going to smoke this weekend, then give up.”
    I huddled over her hands as she lit the fag and sucked as hard as I could. A coughing fit followed. “That. Is. Disgusting,” I announced.
    â€œI know, right?”
    â€œBut I do feel more…dramatic. Maybe in a good way?”
    Amber laughed then choked on her cigarette too. She spluttered and coughed while I sat back on the bench, feeling slightly happier by the fact I’d made a potential friend laugh.
    It was a stunning view. The town stretched out below us in an ocean of yellow and red dots of light. So cold my bones ached, but beautiful. I felt a bit of the angst in my stomach dissolve like a throat lozenge. The bigness of the view stood Goliath-like next to my worries, forcing them to run into hidey-holes and think about what they’d done.
    Lottie banged Amber’s back until the choking subsided.
    â€œThanks, guys,” I spoke out to the darkness. “For, you know, taking me away from the situation.”
    Lottie stubbed out her cigarette a quarter of the way down. I followed suit, glad for her lead. “Don’t worry about it,” she shrugged. “I would want to get out of there if it happened to me.”
    â€œAnd it was a shitty party,” Amber joined in. “I felt like I was on a rejection conveyor belt – being sexually rejected by every guy there.”
    â€œI’d rather that, I think,” I said. “Rather than them leading you on a false first date so they could get pissed, humiliate you, then boink someone else.”
    Amber wrinkled her nose. “True… Did you just say ‘boink’?”
    â€œIt’s retro. It’s funnier than ‘shag’, less cringe than ‘make love’, and less offensive than ‘fuck’.”
    She nodded. “Fair enough.”
    â€œI watch a lot of old movies…and people just talked nicer back then.”
    My phone vibrated madly.
    â€œDON’T ANSWER IT,” both of them yelled as I searched through my bag.
    â€œWhy not?”
    â€œIt will be him,” Lottie said. “With an excuse.”
    â€œA lie,” Amber added.
    â€œA manipulative lie.”
    Amber put on a gruff boy voice. “I’m sorry, I just fell into her mouth.”
    Lottie joined in. “I just got scared of my feelings for you, but it made me realize how much I care.”
    â€œYikes,” I said. “Have you guys created a boy excuse dictionary or something?”
    â€œDid you just say ‘yikes’?” Amber asked. “Seriously? Are you, like, from a time warp?”
    Lottie, sandwiched in the middle, put her arms round the both of us and talked out at the view. “Amber and I may sound bitter, but we’re not. We’re just realistic. About