Alpine for You Read Online Free PDF Page A

since returning from New York, had been hauled off to jail for fraud. Apparently, the only playgrounds he'd built had been for himself--million-dollar mansions in Palm Beach, Palm Springs, and Tahiti. The police said I'd been one damned fine fund-raiser and asked if I'd like to raise money for their Policeman's Ball. Nana pointed out later that it had been a trick question because only firemen have balls.
    Andy Simon coughed again and started to wheeze.
    "How about those rooms!" I said in a quick change of subject. "Anyone try the shower yet?"
    Dick Rassmuson gave me a surly look. "You have a shower?"
    Unh-oh. Dick and Lucille must have opted for a super-saver room with a bathroom down the hall that was shared by six other people.
    "We don't have a shower," Dick grumbled in his smoker's voice. "We have a damned Jacuzzi."
    "And that bed is so high off the floor, I had to stand on my suitcase to climb onto it," Lucille added. "The bedspread and canopy are pretty though. And the view of the lake will be really nice once the fog lifts."
    "I didn't much care for the chocolate wafer," Helen complained. She scratched her eyebrow, accidentally smearing it across her forehead. "Too much rum in it. But I hope the weather warms up so we can use the balcony."
    "You got a wafer?" I asked in a strangulated voice. Not to mention a balcony and a view. "What kind of rooms do you have? Presidential suites?"
    "Standard rooms," the two Dicks said in unison, to which Dick Rassmuson added, "No sense paying deluxe rates for a room we'll be occupying only a few hours a night."
    The Swiss obviously structured their hotel room rating system in the same way they structured their banking system: Don't tell 'em nothin'. But I was on to them.
    Andy Simon's wheezing grew worse. If he'd paid extra for the luxury of a deluxe room, I could understand his reaction. I felt like wheezing myself. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an inhaler.
    "What's wrong with him?" Shirley asked, as he shoved the apparatus into his mouth.
    "Asthma," said Lucille. "He's had it for years. But it hasn't killed him yet, has it, Andrew?"
    He gasped, then wheezed, then after several moments, seemed to breathe more easily. He held the inhaler up for all to see. "Pirbuterol Acetate. The best concoction in the world. And if you ever need any, I recommend you buy it from Janie Hanson at the Pills Etcetera nearest you."
    Jane dismissed his comment with a wave of her hand. "He's such a flatterer. What he didn't tell you is we're equipped to handle all types of insurance now, including Medicare, HMOs and PPOs."
    "Do you take the Discover card?" Lucille asked. "As many times as I've filled prescriptions, and I still can't remember."
    Jane nodded. "Discover. VISA. MasterCard and American Express. Sorry, no personal checks."
    "And," Andy continued, "Pills Etcetera is now on-line, so if you want to order anything from Viagra to contact lenses, e-mail Janie at pillsetcetera dot com, and she'll see that it's mailed to you. And she always includes free samples. Rewetting solution with your contact lenses. Toothpaste with new toothbrushes."
    I wondered what she included with the Viagra. An inflatable woman?
    "I love free samples," said Shirley. "Do you ship to Rhode Island?"
    "She ships anywhere." Andy responded for her. "She can even put you on her mailing list so you'll know about upcoming sales and specials. Why don't you give me your E-mail address, honey, and I'll forward it to her when we get back to Iowa."
    A waiter plopped a plate in front of my face at that moment, so no one heard the gagging sound I made. The E-mail thing was Andy's favorite line. I figured it was his personal brand of foreplay. When we'd appeared together in Sweeney Todd last spring and A Christmas Carol last year, he'd chatted up several of the actresses electronically, which led to his having extramarital affairs with a couple of them. But he was easily bored, so when a theatrical production ended, he'd