Almost Broken Read Online Free PDF Page B

not seeming intrusive and walking on eggshells, afraid of asking what I want to know, or afraid of knowing too much? Because the more I get to know him, the guiltier I am that I wish more than anything to see Cal. And gosh, I have enough to be guilty about.
     

Chris
     
    I’ve been holding my breath in forever. It’s like I’ve been on a rollercoaster all day, my stomach going up and down, my heart speeding up and slowing down. When we stood in front of the horse yard, I intended on apologizing to her about the ring tone thing with Jenna. To ask her what I could do to make things easier for her, but standing there with her for the first time, it was easy. I didn’t want to ruin it. I wanted things to stay how they were, but part of me wanted to push the invisible boundary, the wide line drawn that’s keeping the appropriate distance between us. To see how close I could get to it without going across. To be closer to her. To see if she noticed I was crossing the line. I think she did, and she backed away. I wanted to make up for earlier, for the lie I told. To try to make her feel better, and that backfired too.
    I don’t think I made her feel better at all by telling her I want to remember, then asking—well, I didn’t technically ask. I wanted to, but deep down, I tried to stop the words from coming out. But she knew, and she wasn’t afraid to answer. I was afraid to hear the answer, but her answer was as loud as anything I’ve ever heard, and it was terrifying. I want answers but not the ones she’s going to give. I want the easy answers, the ones that will make this less complicated, the answers that mean I’m not hurting anyone. All her answers won’t make things easy. They’ll just give more questions, hard ones, and I have enough of those.
    The most puzzling thing of all is how I seem to notice things about her, little idiosyncrasies, that I usually don’t notice about other girls this quickly. How she grabs her wrist when she’s nervous. How she looks up at the sky when she’s thinking. How she bites her bottom lip when she’s fascinated with something. How she bit it the entire time she saw the wall of, pretty much, my entire life.
    After I destroyed my room, my mom took it upon herself to create a collage of all the pictures she found. I guess she knew what I didn’t. Lauren probably has never seen any of these. Cal doesn’t seem like the sentimental type to have shown her, seeing the way her expressions changed at each one like she was taking in little pieces of me as she looked at each, even if it looked like she was going to vomit when she saw the one of Jenna and me. I hate going to the banquets and conferences for her dad. They’re all boring, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me. If she tells him about this, I’m sure his campaign to get rid of Chris will have a lot of support behind it. Not that Jenna needs much more of a push, but she’s texted. I need to call her. I head down the stairs and hear laughing and a commotion. Lisa has gotten here, and she’s holding Caylen. Standing next to her is my other best friend Aidan. They’re both staring at Caylen in amazement.
    “Scott, you have a fuc— freakin’ kid. And she looks like your twin!” he says.
    “Dude what are you doing here?” I ask excitedly.
    “I thought I’d surprise you, but you definitely one upped us.” Lisa laughs.
    “Aren’t you a pretty little girl,” Lisa says, playing with Caylen.
    “I’ll take her while you guys catch up,” my mom says, taking Caylen from Lisa.
    “It’s so good to see you, Aidan,” she says, giving him a pat before she scurries off in the kitchen.
    “Chris, you’re a dad. You know when you told me the other night, it didn’t really sink in, but holy shit!” Lisa says, pushing me in the chest.
    “Yeah, I heard you guys started getting wasted without me. That anyway to treat a solider coming home?” he says, punching me in the arm. The double-teaming has started