All That Was Happy Read Online Free PDF Page B

Somewhere, deep down, I’ve never
accepted that I wasn’t their mother.”
    “ Where are they buried?” Scotia
said.
    “ Oh,” Beckie said. “No place,
really.”
    “ They just took them, didn’t they?”
Scotia said. “They always do that--they did the same thing to me
when I had an abortion last year--I was only having the abortion to
please the man I was seeing, and emotionally I was in the wrong
zone and I let them get away with it. But since I’ve started
working with Maharaji, I’m learning to make some new connections
with myself and how I relate to the world. In fact, I think it’s
wrong for them to dispose of our fetuses the way they do. What
they’re saying is that whatever is inside a woman’s body is nothing
but trash to them. But that’s going to change--this coming year,
I’m getting a bunch of women together to start a class action
lawsuit about that.”
    “ This is going too deep for me,” Beckie
said. “I’m starting to need a drink in the worst way.”
    “ I’m sorry,” Scotia said. “I’ve become
something of a combat puncher since I’ve been in town. I live just
off Melrose, in Gower Gulch, which is a real psychic war
zone--everybody you meet is laying out their psychobabble all the
time--it’s probably the most bizarre pocket of L.A. I could
possibly have chosen, but I’ve adjusted, somewhat, and I think it’s
been good for me--you know what I mean--the way everybody around me
is working on their issues and all.”
    “ Compared to you,” Beckie said, “I feel
like I’ve never talked about anything my entire life except what to
fix for dinner, where to go for dinner, or what movie to
rent.”
    “ I had to learn to be willing to
explore the inner world,” Scotia said. “Most of the early
encouragement I received, I got from my boss, Vito. He’s a stylist
to the stars, but he’s into personal growth and discovery and all
that--he finally convinced me that if I was ever going to
strengthen the weakness in my aura, I would have to confront the
bad karma surrounding my abortion. To make a long story short, I
took Vito’s advice and started working with Dr. Black.”
    “ I’m sorry,” Beckie said. “I guess
compared to your problems, my plain old everyday divorce must seem
dull.”
    “ Not at all,” Scotia said. “It doesn’t
matter what your issues are--the real trip we’re on is learning how
to climb up the ladder of fear until we’re on top of the
world--until we’re free! That’s what Dr. Black is all about. That’s
why she started WE. Do you think you’ll be joining us, Beckie? Are
you ready to start climbing the ladder of your fears?”
    “ If I look at my life all at once,”
Beckie said, “I feel buried alive--but I’m starting to like the
ladder idea--the idea that I’ll just take one problem at a time,
one fear at a time--my biggest fear earlier today was sleeping in
my own bed alone--I cried my guts out at the thought of climbing
into that bed all by myself for the rest of my life--after that, I
decided to kill my husband and then kill myself. I waited for him
outside the warehouse, but I fell asleep and he slipped past
me.”
    “ Would you have really killed him?”
Scotia said.
    “ Yes,” Beckie said. “I know it sounds
crazy, but at the time, I think I was a little crazy. I was going
to give him four shots right in the chest, then reload my spare
round and end my own life.”
    “ Will you join our little group?”
Scotia said. “Will you become a member of WE?”
    “ I want to say no,” Beckie said,
“because part of me had it all planned out to be a martyr--I’ve
spent my entire life serving my husband’s needs. Now that the
someone I served no longer needs me, it makes more sense to me to
kill myself.”
    “ That’s part of the problem all women
suffer from,” Scotia said. “We sacrifice ourselves for others--the
problem is, in your case, you’re carrying the sacrifice too far.
That’s why the universe sent Mr. Boopers in