All She Wants for Christmas Read Online Free PDF Page A

someone for the senseless loss of their little girl. How else do you explain why a twenty-four-year-old healthy woman dies?”
    Riley bent her head to her chest for a few minutes and Ethan let her grieve. When she lifted her head, she wiped her eyes and straightened her shoulders. But the pain in her eyes—that shredded him. It brought back the loss as if it had just happened yesterday.
    If she hadn’t left, she would have been here when Amanda died.
    That was on him. He had to bear some of the responsibility for that.
    “It’s good that you’ve been there for Zoey. She needs you.”
    He relaxed, thought about Zoey. “She’s everything to me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. She’s the only thing I’ve ever done right.”
    Riley wanted to ask him what his mistakes were, but she saw the raw hurt in his eyes, and the pride when he talked about his daughter. She wouldn’t push any further, not after what he’d told her about Amanda.
    Amanda had been her best friend once. There’d been a lot of water under the bridge since she’d left, a lot of betrayal and hurt, but for a very long time Amanda had been the closest thing to a sister Riley would ever have.
    If she’d stayed in touch with the town, with Amanda, if she’d learned forgiveness sooner, she’d have known. She could have been here for her best friend during the last year of her life.
    “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for her.”
    “You didn’t need to be, but if it’s any comfort to you, Amanda felt awful about what happened. She said if I ever saw you again I was supposed to tell you that.”
    Riley’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to hear that.”
    Ethan frowned. “Why not?”
    “Because now I can’t tell her that I’m sorry, too. I said some terrible things to her before I left. I hurt her.”
    She’d hurt them both, but she couldn’t make it right with Amanda now. She’d called Amanda a slut and Ethan a cheating bastard, and then left them both in the dust and never looked back.
    Ethan hooked his thumbs in his jeans, the action so familiar to her it caused an ache in her throat.
    “From what I remember she did the same to you.”
    “And now you tell me she said she was sorry. I’ll never get the chance to tell her.”
    “You did.”
    “What?”
    “You did already. In your music. She listened to every song. She knew, Riley. She heard your apology.”
    “You know my music. What Zoey said yesterday…”
    “Yeah, I listen. I heard it all.”
    The condemnation, the hurt, the raw agony of those first years. She’d always written her own music. Her first album had been her catharsis, pouring her heart out over losing Ethan to Amanda. It had been the grief of young love lost, about betrayal and anger. She’d sung about what it was like to open your eyes to what was around you so you’d never feel stupid again. The album had gone triple platinum, and she felt like she’d grown up and walked away from all of this, determined to never look back.
    But she had looked back, because later on she had written about forgiveness, about becoming wise and learning from your mistakes. She had written about people doing what they thought was right, and everything not revolving around you and what you wanted, and she’d sung about letting go. After time and distance her anger had dissipated, and she had said she was sorry in her music, because she had bared her soul in her lyrics, and so much of her hurt had been directed at Ethan and Amanda. She’d made sure the whole world knew it.
    She’d gotten famous off her pain, but she’d finally realized that she had caused other people pain, too. Maybe no one else knew who she’d been writing about, but Deer Lake had known.
    “I’m sorry, Ethan. For the lyrics, for the hurt I must have caused you and Amanda.”
    “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. Amanda did. I said it that night all those years ago, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough. But you?