Alice Alone Read Online Free PDF Page A

that’s the worst thing that can ever happen to you, be grateful,” said my brother, the philosopher, as he sprinkled cheese over the ground beef.
    “But after algebra, there’s geometry, and after geometry, physics!” I cried. “Tell me one single way algebra can help me if I decide to become a psychologist.” I had already narrowed my career options to a counselor or a psychologist rather than psychiatrist, because if I went into psychiatry, I’d have to go to medical school, and if I went to medical school, I’d have to take chemistry and who knows what else.
    “Because somewhere along the way, you’ll have to take a course in statistics, and you can’t enroll in that if you can’t pass algebra and geometry, that’s why,” Lester said.
    “Why would I have to take statistics? ” I bellowed.
    Lester handed me the shredder and the lettuce. “Let’s say you read a study that most men who commit suicide have sisters. Statistics can help you figure out if the results could have occurred by chance, whether sisters are the actual cause of their brothers’ demise, or …”
    I didn’t get to hear the rest, because the phone rang just then and I answered in the hall. It was Aunt Sally in Chicago. She took care of us for a while after Mom died, and I keep mixing up early memories of Mom with her. This sort of freaks Dad out. Aunt Sally calls every so often because she feels responsible for us, I guess. She even flew out for a few days to see how we were doing when Dad was in England.
    “So what’s new?” asked Aunt Sally.
    She used to say, “Alice, how are you?” implying that she suspected the worst. But because I often clammed up when she asked that, she’s learned to say, “What’s new?”
    “Well, Dad’s on cloud nine,” I told her. “I don’t know when he and Sylvia are getting married— next July, maybe—but he’s really happy these days, and busy as usual at the store. Lester’s back at the U, and I started high school this week.”
    “Sounds as though you’ve all got your work cut out for you,” said Aunt Sally. “So what are you doing for fun?”
    No matter how she tries to disguise it, whenever Aunt Sally opens her mouth, you know exactly what’s eating her. She’s not concerned about our work and our studies; she’s concerned about what Lester and I are doing for fun, because fun and trouble are never that far apart in AuntSally’s mind. It’s hard to believe that Carol is her daughter, because there’s no resemblance between Aunt Sally and my grown cousin.
    “Well, Les isn’t going with anyone at present. We’re celebrating his birthday this Sunday.”
    “Yes, I’ve sent him a card. Twenty-two! Can you believe it, Alice? Lester? Twenty-two years old?”
    “Yep, I believe it. In fact, he’s going to chaper one the coed sleepover I’m having here Saturday night,” I said.
    I don’t know why I do that. There’s something about me that loves to torture Aunt Sally.
    “Alice, ex- cuse me, but I thought you said a coed sleepover!” she gasped.
    “That’s right. There will be about a dozen of us, if everyone shows.”
    There was a long pause. Then: “Is your father absolutely, positively out of his mind? Lester, the ultimate playboy, is going to chaperone a dozen hormone-crazed kids on a …” She paused again long enough to breathe. “Where are you all going to sleep?”
    “On the floor. In sleeping bags. Individual sleeping bags,” I said, laughing.
    “Well, all I can say is that things have certainly changed since I was a girl,” Aunt Sally said. “Marie and I couldn’t even spend the night with a girlfriend unless Mother knew exactly whowould be there. And I would never have considered letting Carol go to a coed sleepover. Ever!”
    “So she eloped with a sailor,” I said, and knew immediately I’d been unfair.
    But Aunt Sally just sighed. “Yes, eloped, and divorced two years later.” Another pause. “I suppose Patrick will be at this