Alex as Well Read Online Free PDF Page A

see it too.
    Maybe it will end up a different way. Maybe I havehappened on the only other one of whatever it is that I am. We will be hooking up and I will discover that she has a noodle.
    And we will laugh and laugh!

7
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David is staying at his brother’s place for a few more days.
I had a good long look at myself yesterday. When Alex came home I was waiting for him. He had some makeup on, but I let it slide. He does wear makeup sometimes, even as a boy. It’s the emu craze.
We had a really nice long hug. You don’t get to do that often when you have a teenage child. It was so good, as though we had a real connection for the first time in a long time, and then we came inside and I suggested we get pizza as a treat. I’ve always been very strict about diet, because as a little one Alex had a lot of problems with his bowels, and we found if we were quite strict on the vegetables he was a lot better in that department.
Anyway, we came inside and he picked up the phone and orderered vegetarian! The few times we have had pizzaover the years Alex has always, always ordered chicken and bacon deluxe. He announced it, just like that, that he was vegetarian.
I started to cry because yesterday we had a teenage son who liked chicken and bacon pizza, and today we have a vegetarian corss dresser. I don’t know what happened.
I don’t care if he wants to be vegetarian. I’m happy to support that, it was just the way he came out and said it without any discussion. He didn’t come to me and talk about how he was feeling about being a meat eater and talk it through with me, no, he just made the decision and told me afterwards.
It’s the same thing as suddenly deciding on being a girl. I was prepared for that in a way. I have been his whole life, but it still came as a shock to me when it happened. I thought there would be some warning signs and that he would come to us to ask more questions. I have been dreading the questions, but in a way the questions would be better than this.
I feel like an outsider. Alex is becoming this person that I don’t know. I always dreamed of having a little girl, and going clothes shopping with her, and this is some creepy perversion of that dream. It’s horrifying, and I know I’m not dealing with it well at all.
I’m sorry for him, but I am also angry that he feels like he can’t come to me to talk. I have always been therefor him. I have been so attentive. I have given up the last fifteen years of my life to be attentive to him.
In the back of my head I wonder if we should have made him a girl to start with. Should we have had whatever surgery was needed to make him a girl in the first place?
Heather
COMMENTS:
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Dee Dee wrote:
If you’d made him a girl she would have wanted to be a boy. He’s a teenager. This is what they do.
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Cheryl wrote:
Oh Heather, you are going though hell, aren’t you? We are here for you darlen.
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Vic wrote:
Have you ever thought Alex doesn’t want to actually be a boy but feels unsafe as a boy, and being a girl would make him feel safer? Could it be he’s trying to tell you that something in his environment is threatening for him? Maybe bullying issues at school? Have you talked at all to his teachers? What is his relationship like with his father?
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Earthboy wrote:
You should be proud of your son for having a conscience about the planet. Do you know the relative carbon footprints of vegetarians to meat eaters?
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Georgeous wrote:
I felt this way for a long time and just thought I was a tomboy. I was really depressed because I was a freak without a name. Someone said I was ‘bigendered’ and it really seemed to be right. I’d rather have a boy’s body. I switch back and forth from feeling like I should be a boy one day and feeling like I should be a girl the next. It’s like having a dual personality only the other one is a boy. Until I figure out what I am I’m going to keep telling myself that I’m both. Lately I’ve