Alex Read Online Free PDF Page A

was miserable.   But as soon as you went in, you know, he was fine."  
    There were tears standing in her eyes.   Ian felt something give way when he saw them.   They had been fighting so long now, she had been pushing him to move on for so long, that he wasn't sure he'd even still believed she hurt.   He put his arm around her.   He didn't weigh it or think about whether he should do it; he just did it.
    But she reached down for some tissues from her purse, and he had to pull it back.
    "He was a good boy," she said after wiping her face.   "I miss him."
    They went around the circle.   The Bensons and the Nguyens talked about their kids.   Evan Benson sounded like a little hellion, as far as Ian could tell, and Lana had been too old.   Ian couldn't comprehend sixteen.   He had barely been able to comprehend the fact that Alex was going to be starting kindergarten.
    "She sounds beautiful," Mary Ellen said when Rachel Nguyen finished talking about her daughter.   "You must have loved her so much."
    "At least you know," George put in.   "The not knowing... it ain't easy.   I don't want my son to be dead.   You know?   But I want to know. "
    "Yeah," Ian said.   A block of ice had formed in his chest.   He looked at George.   "At least we know.   Everyone says that, but I'd give anything to be in your shoes.   To still have hope.   You might think you want to hear that your son's dead, but trust me, you don't."  
    George recoiled.   Shauna said, "I think everyone handles that question differently.   For you, Ian -"
    "No," Ian said.   "No one wants to hear that their child is dead, and if you think they do, you're deluding yourself.   These guys are hurting.   Don't... trick them.   Until they see the body, they still have hope.   It's completely different."
    18
     
    He didn't get a kiss good night.   She would barely look at him.   In the parking lot, he said to her back, "Next week?"
    "Sure."   She got in her car and slammed the door.
    19
     
    It was 10:30 when he got home.   He flipped the switch in Alex's room, and the light sizzled on, then popped.   He caught a single, incandescent view of the room, like he'd just used a flashbulb.   It was empty.   He didn't know whether he was relieved or disappointed.  
    He went to the bathroom with the door open.   While he was washing his hands, his son screamed, "Daddy!"
    He jerked as if electrocuted.   The soap shot onto the tile.  
    Alex was standing in his room, vivid and real despite the darkness.   Ian shouldn't have been able to see him.  
    "Donnie went off the road, " he complained.  
    "Yeah," Ian said, carefully.   The evening's session or his sense of déjà vu served to ground him.   "I see that."   He knelt and tried to look into his son's eyes, but the boy's gaze was unfocused - or focused on something beyond his father.   "Alex, is that really you?   Are you there?"
    Alex grinned.   His lips didn't move.   "I not dere !   I Ay-es!"  
    I'm not "there!"   I'm Alex!   It was his voice as a toddler.   He'd said that when he was two.  
    The hairs on Ian's arm stood up.   "Please, Alex.   Listen to me.   Why are you here?"
    "Donnie went off the road, " he repeated, pointing at the red car.  
    "Alex, Jesus..." Ian's voice trailed off.   "Please.   Talk to me."
    In a blink, Alex's clothes disappeared; he was again naked and dripping with bathwater, his drying hair curling on his scalp.   "I'll just call for you and Mommy!"
    "Alex, oh..."   Ian put a hand to the wall as the hallway swam.  
    This can't be happening.
    You told him to call.  
    This isn't real.
    He must have called a hundred times for you.
    You are losing your mind.  
    He called, and you never came.
    "Right, Dad?"
    "Alex, honey.   I tried.   I swear.   I tried.   I went to Rita's house.   I went over every inch of her house.   I looked up and down all the streets for you, for any sign of what happened to -"
    Shorts and a t-shirt again.   "Donnie