Alex Read Online Free PDF

mind, tries to think rationally. It’s a warehouse or a storeroom. A large, empty space, diffuse light pouring in from above. The ground is hard, damp; there is a stench of dirty pools of rainwater. This is why she feels so cold: the place is sodden.
    The first thing she remembers is a man pressing himself against her. A strong, pungent smell, the smell of animal sweat. At terrible moments, the things you remember are often trivial: he tore out my hair; this is the first thing she thinks. She pictures her skull with a large bald patch, a whole fistful of hair yanked out, and she starts to cry. In fact, it’s not really this thought that makes her cry, but everything that has happened, the exhaustion, the pain. And the fear. She cries and it’s hard to cry with the packing tape over her mouth. She chokes, starts to cough, but finding it difficult to cough she starts to suffocate; her eyes fill with tears. She retches, feels her stomach heave. It’s impossible to throw up. Her mouth is filled with a sort of bile that she is forced to swallow. It takes forever. It makes her feel nauseous.
    Alex struggles to breathe, to understand, to make sense of things. Despite the desperate situation, she tries to calm herselfa little. Calm is not always enough, but without it, you’re doomed. Alex tries to relax her body, slow her heartbeat. Tries to understand what is happening to her, what she’s doing here, why she is here.
    Think. She is in pain, but something else is bothering her; her bladder is full and compressed. She’s never been very good at holding on when it comes to peeing. It takes less than twenty seconds to decide: she lets go and pisses herself for a long time. This loss of control is not defeat, because she made the choice. If she hadn’t, she would have gone on suffering, squirming and writhing maybe for hours, and in the end it would come to this. And given the circumstances, she has greater things to fear: the need to piss is an unnecessary hindrance. Except that a few minutes later, she is even colder and this is something she hadn’t thought of. Alex is shivering and she no longer knows whether it is from cold or from fear. Two images come to mind: the man in the
métro
, at the far end of the carriage, smiling at her; and his face as he holds her pressed against him, just before he shoves her into the van. She was badly hurt when she landed.
    Suddenly, some way off, a metal door clangs and echoes. Alex immediately stops crying, alert, frantic, about to crack up. Then, she manages to heave herself back onto her side and closes her eyes, steeling herself for the first blow, because she knows he will beat her; that is why he abducted her. Alex has stopped breathing. In the distance she hears the man approaching, the footsteps heavy and deliberate. Finally he stops in front of her. Through her eyelashes she can see his shoes, sturdy, well-polished shoes. The man says nothing. He towers over her, silent, stands there for a long moment as though watching her sleep. At last, she makes a decision, opens her good eye wide and looks up at him.His hands are behind his back, his face bent towards her. It is impossible to make out what he’s thinking, and he simply bends over her as he might bend over a
thing
. From below, his head is impressive, his thick black eyebrows casting shadows that partly hide his eyes, but mostly it is his forehead, bigger than the rest of his face; it seems out of proportion. It makes him look retarded, primitive. Pig-headed. She racks her brains for the word. Doesn’t find it.
    Alex wants to say something. The tape makes it impossible. In any case, the only words that would come out would be “Please, I’m begging you …” She tries to think what she might say to him if he unties her, to come up with something that does not make it sound as if she is pleading, but she can think of nothing: no questions, no demands, nothing but this entreaty. The words won’t come; Alex’s brain is