for him.
A big boy, his eyes heavy with crying, he would go to his mother, where she sat on a sofa, and collapse beside her, and she would put her arms around him. Or go to Roz, and she embraced him, âPoor Ian.â
And Tom watched this, seriously, coming to terms with this grief, not his own, but its presence so close in his friend, his almost brother, Ian. âThey are like brothers,â people said. âThose two, they might as well be brothers.â But in one a calamity was eating away, like a cancer, and not in the other, who tried to imagine the pain of grief and failed.
One night, Roz got up out of her bed to fetch herself a drink from the fridge. Ian was in the house, staying the night with Tom, as so often happened. He would use the second bed in Tomâs room, or Haroldâs room, where he was now. Roz heard him crying and without hesitation went in to put her arms around him, cuddled him like a small boy, as after all she had been doing all his life. He went to sleep in her arms and in the morning his looks at her were demanding, hungry, painful. Roz was silent, contemplatingthe events of the night. She did not tell Lil what had happened. But what had happened? Nothing that had not a hundred times before. But it was odd. âShe didnât want to worry her!â Really? When had she ever been inhibited from telling Lil everything?
It happened that Tom was over at Lilâs house, across the street, with Ian, for a couple of nights. Roz alone, telephoned Harold, and they had an almost connubial chat.
âHowâs Tom?â
âOh, heâs fine. Tomâs always fine. But Ianâs not too good. He really is taking Theoâs death hard.â
âPoor kid, heâll get over it.â
âHeâs taking his time, then. Listen, Harold, next time you come perhaps you could take out Ian by himself?â
âWhat about Tom?â
âTomâd understand. Heâs worried about Ian, I know.â
âRight. Iâll do that. Count on me.â
And Harold did come, and did take Ian off for a long walk along the seaâs edge, and Ian talked to Harold, whom he had known all his life, more like a second father.
âHeâs very unhappy,â Harold reported to Roz and to Lil.
âI know he is,â said Lil.
âHe thinks heâs no good. He thinks heâs a failure.â
The adults stared at this fact, as if it were something they could actually see.
âBut how can you be a failure at seventeen?â said Lil.
âDid we feel like that?â asked Roz.
âI know I did,â said Harold. âDonât worry.â And back hewent to his desert university. He was thinking of getting married again.
âOkay,â said Roz. âIf you want a divorce.â
âWell, I suppose sheâll want kids,â said Harold.
âDonât you know?â
âSheâs twenty-five,â said Harold. âDo I have to ask?â
âAh,â said Roz, seeing it all. âYou donât want to put the idea into her head?â She laughed at him.
âI suppose so,â said Harold.
Then Ian was again spending the night with Tom. Rather, he was there at bedtime. He went off to Haroldâs room, and there was a quick glance at Roz, which she hoped Tom had not seen.
When she woke in the night, ready to go off to the fridge for a drink, or just to wander about the house in the dark, as she often did, she did not go, afraid of hearing Ian crying, afraid she would not be able to stop herself going in to him. But then she found he had blundered through the dark into her room and was beside her, clutching at her like a lifebelt in a storm. And she actually found herself picturing those seven black rocks like rotten teeth in the black night out there, the waves pouring and dashing around them in white cascades of foam.
Next morning Roz was sitting at the table in the room that was open to the verandah, and the
Janwillem van de Wetering