room.
It isn’t what you think, her boyfriend doesn’t live here. He’s from… oh who cares right now, I need to get out of here.
Slyly checking my watch, I try to think of excuses but nothing is coming to mind.
When did my life become so boring that Lexi decided to take it upon herself to run it for me?
Our waiter comes over with another bottle of wine and begins to pour Patrick’s first since he’s tapping the lip of his glass at the poor man while he negotiates something over the phone.
No, no please continue your business call as if I’m not here. It’s fine, really. I can just sit here wondering if anyone will notice me hit my head off the table. Oh and yes his name is Patrick not Pat, I learned that the first five minutes into this when I was lectured about using a coy pet name so soon. Oh, I have a coy pet name, but I don’t think he’s going to like it.
The waiter finishes and motions toward my glass; with a smile that says, “Please help me I’m being held against my will,” I hand it to him. He fills it half way and goes to place it back down but I raise my hand to stop him.
“Could you please fill it up?” I give him a puckered smile.
My plea causes him to snicker, and he places my glass on the table to fill it up all the way.
“May I suggest you sip while moving it so as to not spill any?” Giving me an empathetic smile, he places the rest of the bottle into the icy silver container.
This guy gets it.
Patrick is still on the phone arguing as he takes a mouthful of wine, swishing it around like he’s removing food particles from his teeth. So charming.
I pick my phone up, instantly deleting his phone number so I don’t accidently drunk text or call him.
That would be awful, what if it led to sex!?!
Of course it would lead to sex, idiot… when does a drunk dial not lead to sex?
Hmm… I wonder if he talks during sex too…
Finally he ends the call and picks up where he left off with me.
This guy talks a lot and for a woman to say that you know it has to be a lot. Wait, he’s stopped.
“Sidney?” he says… again? His tone makes me think he has said my name at least twice.
Shit.
Smile?
Speak?
Anything?
“I was—thinking about something. I’m sorry, what were you saying again?” I raise my elbows up against the table, placing my chin in my hands. Don’t worry, I’m not actually flirting, but the alternative is vomiting, and I like our waiter.
He leans forward across the table like he’s about to pounce on me.
Oh please don’t laugh in his face.
“I was wondering since this is our first night out together what you would like to do after dinner.” He makes sure to raise his eyebrows to further his hint.
Women speak sexual innuendo, too. We don’t need men to clarify it. What are the odds that twice in one day I would be hit on by people I want nothing to do with? I must have desperation written on me somewhere.
“I’m sorry, I have an early day tomorrow. I have some designs to send out, and it’s our last day of shooting. I can’t be-”
“Shooting? I’m sorry what is it that you do again?” he asks, cutting me off.
No really, I wasn’t saying anything, please interrupt me.
“I’m a makeup artist. I-”
“Oh, that’s right, you make people pretty,” he says, looking from me back to himself.
What the…
That’s it, I’m going to strangle him right here. I can see it now all over the tabloids, ‘Makeup Artist to the Stars Loses it in Fine Dining Restaurant’. Cue my career flushing down the toilet. Okay Sid, compose yourself. Breathe and don’t kill him. You are in control. Dammit not again!
For lack of argument we will keep it simple for him.
“Yes, Patrick, I—I make people pretty.” I can’t believe I just said that.
My soul feels like it just got run over by a subway train.
Are you wondering why I didn’t cancel this? It’s because I’m proving Lexi wrong. I can go out and be social and have fun… just not with this