camaraderie that team sports do, since it is an individual sport. My teammates wouldn’t have been let down if I didn’t show up to practice because I wanted to play Zelda. Who would I have let down? Me! And I would have to live with myself. If I wanted to be great, then I would have to put down the game and train.
When I went to school the next day I was nervous that my teacher would be angry with me or embarrass me, but she didn’t. She carried on as if no conversation had ever occurred. This intrigued me: an adult pretending that no conversation with my mom had happened, concealing the truth behind her false smile. She was an adult who was lying, and oddly, I somehow appreciated that. I tried harder to stay focused on the schoolwork, but the thoughts of gymnastics absorbed me and I repeatedly succumbed to their dominance and strength.
Walking down the hallways among the other children, I felt like an intruder. I was an alien from another planet, isolated and alone. I was the strongest boy in my grade, doing the most pull-ups, chin-ups, rope climbs, and sit-ups, but still no one wanted to hang out with me. A different vibe emanated from me; I was not like the others, and even though no one said a word, silently we all knew.
It wasn’t just the other kids I had trouble with; my middle school gym teacher didn’t like me either. Even though I was strong, he saw something in me that I think made him uncomfortable. He took my surname Putignano and turned it into “Putzy,” which I hated, and I shuddered inside every time he said it.
To make matters worse, I was the shortest boy in my class and looked much younger than I was. I had a baby face that gave me an appearance of innocence. While that worked against me with my classmates, adults babied me and treated me with great care, like I was made of porcelain.
I had no friends in school until I met Tara. We were the exact same height and there was something about her that pulled me in. I was theEarth and she was gravity. It was something primal and complex that I couldn’t explain, but I needed to be near her. We were like twins, and she didn’t like the other students either. Without any real effort, we developed a deep and caring friendship.
Her laughter and her smile kept me by her side throughout my childhood. I made a silent vow in my heart to love her until the end of time and take care of her no matter what. Tara was special to me, and I felt lucky to have her. Our friendship was more than a connection; it was as if we had known each other in another life. Tara and I could make each other laugh—one of the best ingredients for a friendship. We did everything together; she slept over at my house on the weekends and we hung out all the time during recess. The other kids at school noticed our impenetrable union and didn’t like it. It was unusual for them to see a boy being best friends with a girl.
Sometimes after school I played baseball, soccer, and football with the neighborhood kids. I loved playing sports, but there was too much standing around between actual movement. It felt like we were always waiting for something to happen, and it drove me crazy. In those moments I would kick to a handstand or do a backflip, and of course, the ball would come toward me and I’d miss it since I was standing on my hands. Needless to say, this often made the other players angry since they were as serious about their sports as I was about gymnastics. They made fun of me and my sport, and accused it of being “girlie” because of our uniforms.
I was insanely defensive of gymnastics and would try to explain that the precision of the sport demanded tight uniforms so judges could see the lines of our body and form. Few other sports require the athlete to be so tuned into their muscles that even the slightest bending of the knee means points are taken off your score. Still, my peers didn’t get that I was doing something dangerous almost every day, using my muscles and
James Patterson, Maxine Paetro