always does. But
how?
Thatâs the question.
She was in a bad temper, maybe withdrawal symptoms because sheâd not been able to see her fancy man. At one point, she even cracked a joke about Viagra. I wonât repeat it, itâs not the sort of thing Iâd like to see put down in black and white. I must admit, I thought that sheâd gone too far. But he didnât seem to react. Just took himself off to the other bedroom and locked the door. Her ladyship wasnât bothered. Sheâs looking forward to tomorrow, Iâll be bound.
And to tell the truth, so am I.
15 July
I called in sick today. I know it was wrong, but I did have a bit of a headache and besides, I wanted to follow the latest instalment of the goings-on next door. Honestly, itâs riveting. Last night I even missed a programme about the people who work in a department store, I was so wrapped up with what had been going on next door.
Her husband was out early. She was still in bed when he left, the lazy cow. I donât think they even uttered one single word to each other. She was up and doing by the time the van arrived, though. Oh yes. She flung the door open even as he had his finger on the bell. I was in the front room at the time and I managed to catch a glimpse of her. She was wearing a housecoat. From what I heard after they went inside, she hadnât bothered to put on anything underneath it. A slut, you see. She deserves whatâs coming to her.
After theyâd been in bed five minutes, Iâd heard enough. More than enough. I looked up the phone number of the leisure centre. Before I knew what was happening, he was on the other end of the line.
âYouâd better get home and get home fast,â I said.
âWhat is this?â He sounded angry, bewildered. Who wouldnât be, in his shoes?
âNever you mind.â
âIs that you, Mrs Irlam?â
My knees almost buckled when he spoke my name. I thought Iâd been rather clever in disguising my voice. Iâd tried a faint Irish accent. But heâd seen through my little ruse. Of course, I panicked. Anyone would.
âYou need to see what your wife gets up to when youâre out of the way,â I gabbled.
I put the phone down before he could ask any more questions and sank back into my chair. I was panting. My nerves were at full stretch. But I was excited, too.
Later
I wrote up my diary while I was waiting for him to come home. I couldnât concentrate on anything else. But I never guessed what was going to happen.
I still had my pen and this diary in my hand when I heard the old banger pull up outside, followed by his footsteps as he crossed the patch of grass which divides the flats from the road and headed round the side of the building and into the garden. I ran to the bedroom and caught sight of him peering into the window of his own bedroom. His face was a picture, but he didnât utter a sound.
Instead, he trembled a little, as if making up his mind. Then he hurried off to the garden shed and hid himself inside.
I was puzzled. What on earth was he doing in there? When the shed door opened again, I had my answer.
Heâd dressed himself from head to toe in combat gear. A gun of some kind was slung over his shoulder. I couldnât believe my eyes. It was like something on the telly.
I ducked my head down so that he couldnât see me. I was thrilled â who wouldnât be, with a drama on their own doorstep? â but I was frightened too.
And then it occurred to me.
It was exactly like the telly. It was as if Iâd written the script of an episode for my favourite soap
.
I fumbled for the diary and my pen. Iâd brought them with me into the bedroom. I started to write.
Later
Oh God, oh God, oh God. This is a nightmare.
I heard a scream next door. Like a wild animal, caught in a trap. Her ladyship.
Then there were two muffled bangs. After that, nothing.
I have a phone on my bedside
Brian Herbert, Jan Herbert