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couldn’t hide protruding fear and mascara couldn’t conceal the panic in my eyes. Okay, I needed to calm down. Nothing had happened, really. Somebody followed your every step and then told someone else about your every move; so what? Not a big deal. It could happen to anyone.
    “Mommy, somebody wants to kill me!”
    Stop it! Why couldn’t I be cold, like other people? No emotions, just logic. Cold and calculated logic. What if I were to pull Ray into some kind of trouble? What if he was going to have problems because of me? People who watched me should know that I was with him last night and for a reasonably long time. What if it was Jason? No, it couldn’t be. Should I really get out of the house?
    Before leaving, I grabbed a cup of yogurt and ate it fast, standing by the fridge. I had usually been eating muesli for breakfast, or a cheese sandwich, but I wasn’t hungry at all, so I forced myself eat at least yogurt to have some energy going.
    I decided to make a call to work from the car and locked the door, double checking that I’d really locked it. Then I took the stairs to the lobby from my second floor apartment and stopped by the exit, trying to bolster my courage before going out. What if there was a person in a blue parka waiting for me? A person who had been doing this every day and I hadn’t noticed. It was because I never looked around; my focus was inside my head. I actually hadn’t checked how far the history of my following went. Why hadn’t I? Maybe it would give me an answer.
    The door opened without my help and my neighbor, Lauren, entered the building with a little dog under her arm. She was dressed in short, black shorts and a fashionable jacket. A beautiful, twenty-year-old girl. Could somebody be stalking her too? Why not? She deserved it more than I. I would follow her for her long legs alone. Stalker. No, it couldn’t be. Stalkers worked alone. The person who watched me transferred the information to somebody else.
    “Hi, Sam!”
    “Hi. How are you?”
    “Great. It’s raining outside. I wanted to put my white jeans on, but they would be dirty before I got to the subway.”
    “It’s going to be dry before lunch time.”
    “They promised rain again. Hate this weather.   'Kay, see you later.”
    “Listen, Lauren!”
    She stopped before the elevator, impatience in her eyes and a smile on her lips.
    “I have a strange question,” I giggled like an idiot. I didn’t mean to giggle, it was a reflex. “Have you seen a stranger outside?”
    “What do you mean? There’re like zillions of them.”
    “I mean … I haven’t had my coffee yet. Somebody who walked there, as if waiting for someone?”
    Lauren thought it over, raising her eyes to the ceiling and scratching her dog behind the ear. I just noticed that the dog had sparkling polish on its claws.
    “No,” she said.
    “You take Luke out for a walk every day; maybe you’ve seen the same person by our building? In a blue parka?”
    “Is it a game or something?”
    “No, it’s just … Okay, never mind. Sorry for keeping you.”
    Lauren raised her eyebrows, the look on her face said that she had aways known about her neighbor’s psychological condition. She turned to the elevator and pressed the UP button.
    As for me, I breathed heavily, as if I were about to give birth, grabbed the door handle, and stepped outside.
    I didn’t know yet that I was not going to come home for a long, long time.

CHAPTER 6

    I wanted to phone my boss from the car, but there was no time for it. I concentrated my attention on the rearview mirror, trying to see a potential spy. I was lucky to notice it (I had no idea if it was a man or a woman) after about five minutes of driving. A black Mini Cooper with dark windows followed me. The driver cut off other cars to keep up with me. But, damn him! I couldn’t see who was inside through the dark windows. When I had an opportunity to change lanes, he dodged after me with confidence, and stayed close. It