A Song for Julia Read Online Free PDF

love, and it did so much damage to my life I didn’t think I’d ever recover. No way I’d ever go there again. Whatever else happened, I was in control of my life. No one else. Certainly not some formless emotion and lust that can take away who you even are. I was fourteen when it happened, almost eight years ago, and the consequences and damage were beyond anything I could have conceived. What I learned was this: letting myself be at the mercy of hormones and brain chemicals and emotions can be deadly.
    A cab pulled up, and we got in. I thought of tossing away caution and telling him I wanted to go home with him. One night wouldn’t be so dangerous. One night could be okay. One night could be free and fun and not go anywhere.
    The cab driver took a hard right turn, accelerating to get through the light before it changed, and in the process I was pushed across the back seat toward Crank. He put his arm around me, an automatic reaction I’m sure, but I stayed there.
    “You all right?” he asked.
    “Fine!” I said. “Where are we going, anyway?”
    “No idea. Aren’t there a bunch of clubs in Georgetown?”
    “I think so. I didn’t get out much when I lived in the area.”
    He raised his eyebrows. “Why not? Don’t take offense, but you seem like you were probably one of the popular girls.”
    “You couldn’t be more wrong. What makes you think that?” I asked, giving him a challenging stare.
    “First impressions, I guess. You still look very professional in that outfit, kind of preppy. Sexy as hell.”
    I’m not a blushy sort of girl, but that made me blush. “It’s not exactly club attire, is it? But I don’t want to take the time to go back and change.”
    “No worries, Julia. It’s just us, anyway.”
    I swallowed and then leaned against him. What had gotten into me? 
    Lust. That was the only explanation. I could feel the hard muscle of his shoulders and thighs pressing against me, and my body was responding to that—no matter what my mind said. 
    The cab came to a halt, and the driver muttered something. I leaned forward. Nothing but red taillights ahead of us for blocks.
    “What’s going on?” Crank asked.
    “Construction,” the driver said. “Bad. You want me to let you out here?” He looked anxious to dump us out of the cab as soon as possible, to avoid being stuck in the westbound traffic.
    I took a breath. My chest was tight, my whole body tense. I rubbed my hands on my skirt, closed my eyes and thought, Screw it. I can do this. It’s just one night, anyway.
    “Do you want to…” he asked, just as I started to say, “Let’s …”
    We both stopped, and he laughed.
    “You go first,” he said.
    I bit my lip, and I could feel my cheeks heating up again. “I was going to say …” and my voice trailed off.
    “You were going to say?”
    He grinned. It was a crooked grin, the left side of his mouth slightly higher than the right, and it made me want to melt into my seat and pull him right after me.
    I took a breath and closed my eyes. “I was going to say, where are you staying?”
    I kept my eyes closed another fifteen seconds or more. And, let me tell you, fifteen seconds is a long, long time. Finally I opened them, and he was looking at me with an expression I couldn’t interpret. For someone who was always joking, always making snide remarks, he looked serious. Too serious. More serious than I was comfortable with. I didn’t need serious in my life.
    I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, then he said, “I’m at some dump in Arlington. Sharing a room with Mark.”
    “Oh,” I said, my voice unnaturally tense.
    “What about you?” he asked. He spoke very slowly, carefully.
    “Um … my parents have a condo in Bethesda. I was planning on heading back there tonight.”
    “I don’t want to say goodbye,” he said.
    I couldn’t get control of my breathing. I felt lightheaded. Out of control. “Come back to my place.”
    He titled his head, leaned close and