A Sadness Within Read Online Free PDF

seem… I don’t know, murky. What happened?” I prodded again.
    “Nothing, it’s just…” His words faded off as he lay back down and rolled over, turning his back to me before continuing. “Celia, you have been acting like a human far longer than I have.”
    I smiled. It was going to be that kind of conversation. Well, at least he was talking.
    “I don’t act like a human, Will. We live in a human world and I don’t like to think of myself as being so different. Besides, technically, we are still humans. Just humans with an incurable disease that requires ingesting blood to survive and grants us an unnaturally long life.” I tried the joking approach, but Will didn’t even crack a smile.
    “Come on Cee, that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about really being human. Do you remember what it was like to have human feelings?”
    I continued to scan his face, but his features were still unreadable and I couldn’t tell where this was going.
    “Yes. I mean, I still get angry and happy. I miss you when you’re gone too long. I don’t think I feel them as intensely, but I do feel them,” It was a cruel part of immortality. Our senses may be heightened, but our ability to truly feel has almost disappeared. 
    I wondered where he was going with this. I was no stranger to odd conversations with my brother, but he had never talked this candidly with me about our affliction, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it meant.
    “When I was out last night I saw a girl,” he finally said, looking at his hands, and I immediately thought the worst. I could feel my eyes widen at the thought of him killing someone innocent. He sensed where my mind was going.
    “I didn’t kill her. What is it with you two! I didn’t even touch her. I only saw her from a distance,” he quickly assured me. “Actually, that’s not entirely true. I went out for some air, to get away from the whole happy family vibe, when I was hit with the most intoxicating scent. It was full of so much pain, sadness, and despair. I followed it, curious, and it led me to a nearby house. This girl was sitting at a piano. I could feel the disease aching for the taste of her blood. It wanted it so bad. I wanted it so bad. I wanted it worse than anything I have ever wanted before. Then the strangest thing happened. She started playing a melody and everything I had thought I wanted before disappeared, and in its place, something new. Something strange. She was no longer full of gloom and loss, but of hope and longing. I stayed and listened to her play, and when she was done, I just couldn’t get that feeling out of my mind. I have never changed my mind this quickly about anything. One minute I wanted to appease the disease and the next minute, I was filled with something different. I just can’t explain it.” He turned to look out the window and my eyes followed to the lake. I could see the waves in the distance lazily crashing on the shore.
    I turned and studied his profile carefully, trying to read him for the truth. He stared innocently as if in deep concentration. A frown played at his lips, but his eyes, which were wild before, were bright and calm. The confusion on his face explained the barrage of energy I was getting from him.
    “So you didn’t… hurt her?” My voice was hesitant. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to trust him.
    “No, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. The craving was gone and was replaced with something new. My chest hurt, but not like the need for blood where your muscles feel fatigued. It was like a heaviness constricted me and I couldn’t breathe. Even now, I can still feel it,” he said sadly and for the first time, I could really see how conflicted he really was.
    “Do you think you are actually feeling something? I mean, is that why you were asking me about human emotions?” I asked tentatively, already forming a hypothesis in my head.
    “I don’t know. Maybe. I guess I don’t know what to think anymore.” He