A Nice Class of Corpse Read Online Free PDF

been caused by asphyxia following a broken neck. Given Mrs Selsby's extreme frailty and short sight, he was unsurprised by her falling down the stairs. However, to Miss Naismith's continuing pique, he still thought there would have to be an inquest.
    The Television Room was then locked, not to be opened again until the body was collected later in the morning by the local undertakers (jolly, thriving men who knew they were on to a good thing operating on the South Coast). None of the residents would notice the locking of the door, as the room was not used at that time in the morning. The watching of breakfast television (or indeed television at any time before seven-thirty in the evening – except of course when Wimbledon or snooker was on) was regarded as slightly infra dig at the Devereux (though Mr Dawlish secretly watched TV-AM on a portable set in his bedroom, because he found himself strangely moved by the leotard of the Keep-Fit Lady).
    Miss Naismith decided to delay the announcement of Mrs Selsby's death until after breakfast. There seemed little point in putting the residents off their various orders of cornflakes, All-Bran, scrambled eggs, kippers and prunes. She swore Newth to silence and Loxton cooked away in the kitchen, unaware of the night's accident.
    The other residents, all of whom appeared in the Admiral's Dining Room, did not comment on Mrs Selsby's absence. It was assumed that she was having a tray in her room. This practice was allowed, though most of the residents, eager to stress to Miss Naismith how 'active' they were, resorted to it infrequently. None of them wished even to hint at the social solecism of ill-health.
    Colonel Wicksteed was always the first to finish breakfast. Although he ate more than any of the others, he shared Newth's military conviction that one should not spend too long on the indulgence of the body, and so wolfed down his scrambled eggs and four slices of toast and marmalade at great speed.
    Then, wiping his mouth with a table napkin, he rose to his strictly vertical position, picked up The Times , which had lain correctly unread beside his plate while he ate, and announced to the company, 'Well, time and tide wait for no man, so I think it's time I went to have a look at the tide.'
    Since he made this witticism almost every morning before a long visit to the lavatory and a brisk 'constitutional' along the front, Miss Naismith knew that her cue to speak had come. She could not risk any of the residents being absent for the news and receiving their first information of the death from the arrival of the undertakers.
    'Excuse me, I have an announcement to make.' She gestured to still Loxton, who had moved forward to remove the Colonel's dirty plates, and Newth, who had just come in with a fresh pot of coffee.
    'I very much regret to tell you that Mrs Selsby suffered an unfortunate accident during the night. She fell down the main stairs and has, I am afraid, passed on.' How bitterly Miss Naismith regretted that the English language did not possess an even more genteel euphemism for death.
    The announcement prompted a ripple of reactions. Loxton let out a little scream; Mr Dawlish, perversely, emitted a high-pitched giggle. Mrs Mendlingham's vague eyes came suddenly into sharp, troubled focus, and she dropped the tea cup that was half-way to her lips. Eulalie Vance, who somewhere in her much-vaunted past had been a Catholic, crossed herself instinctively; and on Miss Wardstone's taut face appeared, briefly, an expression of sheer triumph. Lady Ridgleigh's bony features set into the expression affected by the Queen at funerals of Commonwealth leaders, while Colonel Wicksteed said, 'Oh, damned bad show.'
    Into Mrs Pargeter's clear blue eyes came a new thoughtfulness.
    And the diarist, who of course was one of those present in the Admiral's Dining Room, felt that really it had all gone off very well.
    'I will be out for lunch, Miss Naismith.'
    'Oh?' The proprietress looked up from the