A New Life Read Online Free PDF Page A

neck. I gazed up at him, shivering under his touch. “Do you love me?” I asked.
    “So much it hurts,” he answered.
    “Then show me,” I whispered. He roughly pulled off my jeans and t-shirt and I fell back onto a bed that was suddenly behind us. The sheets felt impossibly soft under my bare skin and his lips sizzled on my skin, tracing a path from my breasts down. His tongue circled me lightly at first and then more probing. I think I may have let out a moan and my eyes flew open.
    I rolled over. Zach’s face showed nothing. Was he dreaming about someone? “How did this happen to us?” I asked, knowing he wouldn’t answer; he slept soundly.
    I stared at the ceiling until Henry started screaming, then I nursed him in the glider instead of bringing him to bed with me. I rocked him for an hour before putting him back in the crib. When I got into bed, Zach rolled over and threw his arm around me. He stuck his face in my hair and sighed falling into a deep sleep without ever having opened his eyes.
    My friend continued to appear in my dreams, always reassuring me with a hug, looking deep into my eyes. He kissed me—hard sometimes, softly others—and held me to him. Some nights he made it past my neck again, flicking his tongue over my nipples or sliding into me with an ease that eluded me during waking hours with my husband. I felt terribly guilty at first, but after a while the dreams stopped tormenting me. I knew what they meant. I needed comfort and intimacy again. I turned to Zach. Gradually, I wove being Zach’s wife into the tapestry of our days. We made love again and once a week occasionally even became twice a week.
    A few weeks after Zach came home late he arranged for his parents to babysit. They actually showed up before 8:00 p.m., so we were able to go out to dinner before I was flat on my face. When Zach got home from work, he instructed me to wear something nice. I pulled off my sweats stained with the pureed carrots Henry flung at me at lunch and stood in front of my closet in my bra and underwear trying to figure what I could possibly wear. I was still in that in between phase—maternity clothes were too big, but most of my old clothes didn’t quite fit yet.
    I pulled out a stretchy black miniskirt and a low cut garnet silk tank. I grabbed a drapey black cardigan from the shelf and slipped on a pair of heels for the first time in about a year. My feet had gotten bigger during my pregnancy, so I had to really squish them in, but it was worth it when I walked out of the bedroom and Zach wolf whistled. I actually blushed, smoothing down my skirt and tucking my hair behind my ear.
    “Ready?” he asked.
    “Just a sec.” I dashed into the bathroom and grabbed my old scarlet lipstick. It used to be my signature color and Zach always said it made him weak in the knees when he first met me. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore it. I slicked some on and ran a brush through my hair, then twisted it up and secured it with a clip.
    I kissed Henry goodbye and instructed Zach’s parents in his bedtime routine. It was amazing to me that in almost six months this was the first time they had put him to bed. “There’s a bottle of breast milk in the fridge,” I informed them just before we walked out the door. I swore I could see a brief look of disgust pass his father’s countenance. I wanted to yell, “ You don’t have to drink it!” but I reminded myself to just breathe.
    Stepping out into the cool night, Zach stuck his face in my hair and whispered, “Grace, you look like a hot librarian. And that skirt… Any chance you’re not wearing underwear?”
    “Sorry, I am. But, maybe you could convince me to remove them later…” I trailed off and Zach let out a little moan.
    “My pants are getting too tight. I can’t walk into a respectable restaurant with raging wood. See what you do to me, Grace?”
    “So, what is this respectable restaurant we’re going to? You still haven’t told