A Little Ray of Sunshine Read Online Free PDF

pissed off, you know you’ve screwed up but good. And I had always known that I screwed up, I just never could figure out a way to fix it, so I never tried. It wasn’t a good excuse, but it was all I had.
    “I had my reasons,” I said finally. I could hear the sound of the egg cracking as Jess regained animation.
    “That’s your business,” Digs said softly. “And if this was the first two years, I would have come out here to tell you not to come back. But Luke’s over it now, and it’s time for you to come home.”
    My brain latched onto “Luke’s over it,” and a thousand stupid questions jockeyed for position. Was he over it like he’d forgiven me, or over it like he’d just moved on and still hated me? Was he with someone else now? Was he married ? Good God, did he have kids ? If I did go to this ridiculous wedding, would he talk to me, or would he pretend I didn’t exist, the way I’d done to him for the last six years? Or, worse, would he be polite to me, as if none of it mattered anymore? Did it not matter anymore?
    My heart seized. I’d hit the far edges of my ability to think about Luke. Panic slithered cold streaks over my arms, and I downed the two fingers.
    “I can’t go,” I said, my voice roughened by the liquor. “I’m sorry. Tell Danny I’m sorry, and that I love him, and that I’ll send a card—”
    “He doesn’t want a goddamn card,” Digs said. “You think you can’t face Luke? Fine. You don’t want to see your mom? Fine. But Dad wants you out there and you’re going, if I have to wrap you in a fucking sack and drag you there myself.”
    The panic was quickly outpaced by an anger so familiar that I embraced it like an old friend. “See? This is what she does. She won’t marry him unless I’m there, and suddenly, I don’t have any choices anymore. She doesn’t even ask me if I can make it, she just assumes—”
    A bright voice broke in from the kitchen. “Well, how could she ask you?”
    I looked up to see Jess staring down at me. For the second time that night, I had managed to be surprised by her presence.
    “You don’t know anything about this, Jess,” I said, not bothering to keep the sharp edge out of my voice.
    “I know that you haven’t spoken to your mother in years,” she said, her tone light and even. “I know that these people went to a lot of trouble to find you, and I guess that was quite a chore considering that your home is on wheels. I can tell that Digs here loves you very much, and it sounds like there are some other people who do as well.” She opened up a carton of plain yogurt and dumped a dollop into the mixing bowl. “It’s time to go home, EJ”
    My mouth dropped open and I turned suspicious eyes on Digs. “Did you put her up to this? Is she some kind of mole you sent to coerce me?”
    Digs shook his head. “I don’t have that kind of initiative.”
    “Honestly, EJ,” Jess went on, “do you really think it’s a coincidence that the Universe sent me at the exact same time She sent Digs?” She held the bowl to her stomach and turned to face me, shaking her head as she mixed. “No matter how many times I see it, it still amazes me how hard some people will work not to see the obvious.”
    “The angel makes a good point,” Digs said.
    Jess poured some batter onto the griddle. It sizzled heartily and filled the small area with a heady, fruity scent that I found both comforting and oddly anxiety-producing. I put my forehead down on the cool Formica dinette and groaned.
    Digs patted me on the back.
    “Huh,” he said. “I think we broke her.”
     
    ***

When one grows up under the bright lights of a Hollywood soundstage, it’s hard to imagine childhood any other way. Don’t all children memorize scripts every night? Don’t all children have fans chasing them down at shopping centers? Don’t all children spend more time with adults than with friends their own age?
    A mother without a normal childhood cannot be expected to