A Heart Renewed Read Online Free PDF

give me the strength.   She prayed while securing her hat to her head.
    Reuben pulled the wagon around front and helped Julia into the back like every Sunday morning.  Patting her lap, her niece, Elizabeth snuggled close.  Eddie, her nephew, took his customary place at her side, while Reuben and Mary shared the front seat.
    On the ride in, she rehearsed the scene in her mind.  She reminded herself to pay close attention to which horse Adam Larson rode so she did not take the wrong one.  She thought she would recognize his horse, but wanted to be sure she did.
    As Reuben pulled the wagon to a stop in front of the church, Julia’s stomach lurched.  At breakfast, she ate just a few bites of toast.  Regardless, she thought she might dump that little bit out on the steps of the church as agitated as she was.
    Before she managed to step out of the wagon, Hiram Norton arrived to assist her.  His possessive hold around her waist lingered as he helped her down from the wagon.  Offering his arm to her, she obediently slipped her hand in the crook.  Her throat constricted even more as he led her up the steps.  She tried to smile, thinking it must have looked rather strained.  Caroline would probably say that was perfect for the coming theatrics.  To Julia, it was the reflection of her nerves and no acting was involved.  As Hiram ushered her to his pew, away from the other Colters, she longed to be free from his presence—forever.
    During the service, she did not have to pretend to be distraught, for she truly was.  What if she fainted before she could go through with this?  What if Hiram chased her down and declared her to be insane?  What if he smoothly talked his way around the pending scene?  Before she knew it, the time was upon her as the last refrain of the last hymn echoed in the small church.
    Julia’s heart pounded so loudly in her chest she was certain Hiram could hear it.  Standing, she allowed him to escort her from the pew.  When he stopped just before reaching the doorway, she stifled a groan, her fear rising.  She was hoping to wait until they were outside.
    “My dear, you look unwell.  Is everything alright?” Hiram asked, appearing genuine.
    She knew this was her chance, even if they were not quite outside yet.  She fought past the constricting of her throat.  “No!” she shouted.  Her voice reverberated loudly throughout the church.  All conversation stopped and everyone looked at her, so she plowed forward.  Taking her hand from his, she slapped his face—something she had wanted to do for some time now.
    “Everything is not alright.  I cannot believe you slept with that woman!  Have you no regard for me that you would do such a thing?”
    Further words caught in her throat when she saw Reuben’s face go brilliant red with anger.  Hiram, on the other hand, appeared genuinely shocked.  She had to seal this now before she lost all courage.
    “I cannot marry you.  I cannot marry a man with no regard for the sanctity of marriage.  It is over, Hiram.  I never want to see you again!” she screamed at full volume while stepping away from his reach.  Turning on her heel, she ran out the front of the church, down the steps and headlong into Adam Larson as he untied his horse from the hitching post.  Thank you, Lord.
    The stunned look on his face etched in her mind as she grabbed the reins from his hand and mounted the horse.  Forcing the mare into a hard gallop for effect, Julia refused to glance over her shoulder.  As soon as she was out of sight, she dropped the mare to a gentle lope.
    She had to breathe.  Her hands were shaking, her heart pounding in her ears.  She felt lightheaded as spots danced before her eyes.  I will not swoon. I cannot swoon.  
    Sliding off the mare, she rested her forehead against the saddle, closing her eyes.  The smell of horseflesh and leather helped calm her nerves.  For a moment she thought she might be sick, but the feeling soon passed.