A Game of Groans: A Sonnet of Slush and Soot Read Online Free PDF

him.”
    “I can’t help it. He’s funny.”
    “He’s a clown,” Head complained.
    “He’s your oldest and dearest friend,” she noted.
    “I know,” Head agreed, “but he’s also my oldest and dearest pain in the backside.”
    Gateway threw a pillow at her husband and ordered, “Go down there and play with your pal. But play nice.”
    When Head made it downstairs and out the castle’s front entrance, Bobbert jumped off his horse, fell on his rump, stood up, and embraced his friend. Head winced upon getting a noseful of Bobbert’s grog-soaked breath and an eyeful of his sweat-coated chainmail. Bobbert beamed, “Heady, Heady, Heady, you got old!”
    Head was not able to fully wrap his arms around the King’s beefy torso, and was this close to saying, Barfy, Barfy, Barfy, you got fat, but he held his tongue. Instead, he noted, “I’m old? Bobbert, you’re two days older than me.”
    The King pulled back, and said, “And two Summers wiser.” He mopped his brow, then added, “It’s hot. Summer must be coming.”
    Nodding, Head said, “Summer is coming.”
    From the window, Gateway called, “Is that right? Is Summer really coming? Because you have yet to mention that.”
    Bobbert laughed, then suggested, “Gateway, Gateway, Gateway, you bring that fine booty of yours down here, or else I’m coming up. And I’ll tap that thing, I promise you that.”
    On her way back from the outhouse, Queen Cerevix noted, “I’ll believe that when I see it, Mr. Big Talker. You haven’t tapped anything in months.”
    Bobbert chuckled nervously, then told Head, “Oh, that wife of mine, always the jokester.” As if to prove her wrong, he headed into the castle and up the stairs.
    Head pointed to the exceedingly tall, exceedingly slender, exceedingly gawky man sitting perilously on the horse behind Bobbert’s, and said to nobody in particular, “I thought he was the jokester.”
    The tall man grinned, and said, “Great to see you, Lord Barker. You look smashing. I’d give you a wave, but I just flew in from Capaetal Ceity, and boy, are my arms tired.” After nobody laughed, the tall man straightened an imaginary tie and said, “Woof, tough crowd.” He said to a passing stranger, “Hey! You! Where you from?”
    The stranger stopped, and said, “Um, Summerseve.”
    “Ah, Summerseve. I once spent a night there. It lasted a year. Ch-ching! ” After more non-laughter, he said, “I knew my material would go over everybody’s head here. Anyhow, how’s it hanging, Head? For Gateway’s sake, I hope that answer is Down in the dirt .”
    Lord Barker noted, “Ah, Tritone Sinister. The funniest of the Sinisters. And that isn’t saying much.”
    “Look at you,” Tritone grinned, “spritzing with the pros. Nice work, your Lordship.” He pointed to a painfully ugly three-armed man standing beside a painfully ugly three-legged horse, and said, “You know this one?”
    Head shook his head.
    “Sandstorm Leghorn. Bobbert’s bodyguard. Tough job, because that Bobbert has a lot of body to guard. Hi-yo! ” After nobody laughed, the tall man said, “Well, that’s all for me tonight. Tip your waitress, and try the veal with onions, and please always remember, and please never forget, wherever you go, there you are. Now I’d like to turn it over to the man of the hour, who makes the ladies wanna shower, ladies and gentlemen, Sandstorm Leghorn !”
    Sandstorm grunted, “Grunt.”
    “Sandstorm Leghorn, ladies and gentlemen, give it up!” Tritone hopped off his horse and asked Head, “Say, Shecky, who does a guy have to blow to get a drink around this dump?”
    Head cocked his thumb over his shoulder, toward the castle, and said, “See my assistant, Maester Blaester. Upstairs, third room to the left of the stairs.”
    Tritone bent down, patted Head on the cheek, and grinned. “You’re beautiful, babe. Don’t ever change.”
    After the skinny giant entered the front door—clocking his head on the top of the