A Fine Passage Read Online Free PDF

putting an end to it. And again I had not done so. If I had broken it off and then had that stupid accident anyway, she would certainly have told you. She would have had the heart to tell you that, in the end, it was you I chose. That might have afforded you some small comfort. But it didn’t happen, because once again that day, I failed to put an end to my bewitchment.
    You think I committed suicide to avoid that choice. You think I was that much of a coward. I’d like to think it isn’t so. I’d like to think I would have ended up doing the right thing and let you know, deep inside, that it was you I cared for above everyone else. That did not happen either. And today you don’t know — and you may never know — that it’s in you, and through you, that I wanted to live.
    The woman who smokes only in public manages to drag herself out of her sleep. Although she went to bed early last night, she feels quite lazy. She gets up anyway and starts the morning routine that will eventually set her day in motion.
    She can tell, however, in all the little things, that she is not her usual self. Objects — a spoon, the cap of a jar of cream, her apartment keys — slip through her fingers and, as though that was not enough, disappear into unreachable corners, requiring strength and contortions to be retrieved. Not to mention, they are making her late, because the morning routine, timed to the second, leaves little room for the unexpected and tolerates not even the tiniest obstacle.
    As she manages, with the help of an old wooden yardstick, to retrieve her key chain and several dust bunnies that have attached themselves to it, the woman realizes that she never used to lose patience over such minutiae. She thinks of the time when they still lived together, how he made her life difficult in a thousand little ways and yet she never complained. In fact, that was one of the things she liked about their life together, that knack he had for blurring the edges of the quotidian.
    Terry can’t sleep. He’s thinking about how he would occupy his day if ever, one fine morning, Carmen gave him the slip in Paris. He decides that what he’d like most would be to hang around in the cafés, a bit the way he does in Moncton. The Paris of famous sites, museums, and churches holds little attraction for him. He feels no need to improve himself in that way. He would also take the time to send some postcards, in particular to his father, who had lent him part of the money for the trip. Having heard that travel is the best education for the young, the master body mechanic did not want to deprive his son of just such a profitable experience, although he often had cause to criticize the boy’s irresponsible lifestyle. Recently, however, the old man found that his youngest was taking life a little more seriously.
    â€œYou mean to say you didn’t tell him I was pregnant?”
    Carmen couldn’t believe it.
    â€œWhat was the use of getting him all bollixed?”
    â€œHe might not have lent you the money.”
    Terry shrugs.
    â€œHe’s got plenty of money.”
    â€œWell, anyway, all I’m saying is you could have told him. That way, at least you would’ve been honest.”
    â€œAll right, all right, then. I’ll write him.”
    â€œ. . .”
    â€œ. . .”
    â€œEspecially when you can’t stop telling everybody else and his uncle.”
    â€œ. . .”
    â€œ. . .”
    â€œIt’s not the same thing. ’Round here they don’t know us, do they?”
    â€œYou don’t talk much about yourself.”
    Claudia was just thinking how open he was about himself. Without his having said much, she felt she already had a pretty clear picture of his life. Not in the details — and perhaps in the details she would not find him so attractive — but at least she had a general idea. She liked this man.
    â€œI haven’t much to