A Fate Worse Than Death Read Online Free PDF Page A

kind as to give me and my patient a little privacy,” he said to Gabriel, who promptly turned up his nose and exited, closing the door behind him.
    “Now would you like to take a seat on the bed, Mr . . . ”
    “Clarenden. Jimmy Clarenden.”
    I sat down on the bed. The doctor took his chair and sat across from me. He sniffed loudly and then screwed up his nose.
    “You don’t have to tell me who you’ve been speaking to,” he grunted. “The Lord of Nicotine Himself.”
    “A man needs a hobby,” I said. It seemed that doctors in Heaven weren’t all that different from doctors back in the land of the living.
    “Then why can’t He take up lawn bowls or flower arranging?” Dr Galapagos grumbled. “That damn Walter Raleigh. I told Peter not to let him through the Gates, but does anyone listen to a silly old doctor?” He threw his arms up in despair. “Within five minutes, He was smoking like a chimney stack.”
    I shrugged. As I did so, another bolt of pain ripped through my shoulders. I must have groaned because the doctor immediately ceased his griping.
    “Looks like you didn’t have an easy trip up here.”
    “I’ve been shot, doc. Too many times to count. I figure at the moment I’m the holeyest man in Heaven.”
    “Very droll,” the doctor chuckled. He eased off my shirt and examined the numerous, bloody wounds. Then he walked over to his desk and took some ointment from one of the drawers. “Apply this to the wounds three times a day and that should do it.”
    “I think I’ll need something a bit stronger than that. We’re not talking about a grazed knee here.”
    “On the contrary, this should be more than sufficient. You probably don’t even need it, but I’d hate for you to think I wasn’t doing my job. The thing is, Heaven is a wonderfully therapeutic place. Something to do with the air up here, I believe. A couple of days and you won’t even remember you’ve been shot. But if you’re still not convinced, let me give you a quick checkup as well.”
    The doctor went through the usual routine. He looked down my throat and in my ears, and then he took out a stethoscope. As he pressed it to my chest, an expression of puzzlement crossed his brow.
    “Is there something wrong with my heart?” I asked.
    “Yes, there most certainly is. It’s beating!”
    The doc was clearly onto me. I figured I had little choice but to be as up-front as I could. “There’s a simple explanation for that. I’m kind of, sort of not completely dead.”
    “Then what are you doing up here?” Luckily, before I could rack my brain for a suitable answer, he continued. “No, don’t tell me. He moves in mysterious ways. I’m sure He has His reasons. I suppose I’d better let you get on with whatever it is you’re meant to be doing, Mr Clarenden.”
    I put my shirt on and stood up.
    “Thanks for your help, doc,” I said. “Just one more thing before I go.”
    “How may I be of assistance?”
    “I don’t suppose you have any aspirin? I’ve got one doozy of a hangover.”
    * * *
    I rejoined Gabriel outside the doctor’s office.
    “Are you feeling better now, Mr Clarenden?” he asked as his eyes studied a spot on the wall behind me.
    “About as fine as a tropical hailstorm.”
    “Very good,” he said. “If you will follow me, I shall get you the directions to your office.” He began to walk back down the hall.
    “Wait a moment,” I called as I hurried to catch up.
    He stopped, turned around, and stood staring at me as if I were a stain on the carpet.
    “Before you take me to my office, I’d like to talk to you for a moment about Phil.”
    “There really isn’t much I can say. Master Phil is a fine young gentleman.”
    “Come on, there must be more to it than that. There must be something you can tell me.”
    “I can tell you nothing. But if you really don’t believe me―perhaps if I show you his bedroom you will understand.”
    “That was the next thing I was going to ask you to