A Fatal Attachment Read Online Free PDF Page B

job.”
    â€œYou’ve what? ”
    Lydia failed to keep out of her voice a note of outrage, as if his getting a job robbed her of one of her legitimate reasons for feeling superior to him. Andy had wrong-footed her again, and a shadow of annoyance passed over her face.
    â€œI’ve got a job. Actually it’s at North Radley High, where your new boys go.”
    Lydia, determined not to react to that, took to rummaging in her purse again.
    â€œOh, here’s another pound. I think I can do it. Yes—do you mind all this small stuff? Well, that is good news, Andy. Do you think you’ll enjoy teaching?”
    â€œI think I’ll cope. I used to coach Gavin and Maurice a lot with their physics, you remember. Oh, we had a phone call from Maurice, by the way. They’re coming up on a visit the weekend after next. You must come down while they’re here.”
    â€œThey? Is that wife of his coming too?”
    â€œOh yes. And the baby.”
    â€œWell, perhaps—perhaps if you’d just ask him if he’d come up and see me. You’ll think me snobbish, but I’ve tried and I can’t like that woman.”
    â€œYou’ve only met her once, Lydia. Perhaps you should try over a longer period. We shall, of course. Maurice obviously loves her. It’s the least we can do.”
    â€œYe-es.”
    â€œParticularly as Maurice always felt—I’m sure he felt—under the shadow of Gavin. Imagined he was less loved. Thea and I have always felt guilt about that.”
    Lydia always hated it when Thea or Andy talked about loving their sons.
    â€œGavin was so brilliant,” she said assertively, as if staking a claim or rebutting a criticism. “It was impossible not to feel that he was special. If he had lived he would be enjoying the fruits of success now. Captain of his own ship . . .”
    â€œPerhaps.” A thought struck Andy, and suddenly it became impossible to keep it back. He shook off the restraints of all those years since Gavin’s death and looked straight at Lydia. “The difference between us, Lydia, is that if we should hear tomorrow from a survivor that Gavin at the end behaved in a cowardly or a despicable way, I would love his memory exactly as I do now. So would Thea. But your love for him would be destroyed.”
    She looked at him with outrage.
    â€œCowardly? Gavin could never have behaved in a cowardly way. What a disgusting thing to suggest.”
    Andy shook his head sadly.
    â€œYou see—you haven’t got my point at all. You didn’t love Gavin as aperson—and that’s true of Maurice too. You can’t forgive him for not being the sort of person you thought he should be. But we can accept it, and we’ll try to accept his wife as well. Good night, Lydia.”
    She could hardly bring herself to return his farewell. He had done an unforgiveable thing: he had dragged all the feelings about Gavin and his death out into the open. Into the hideous, demeaning light of day. So far they had all three of them nursed those feelings, nourished them in private, and thus had managed to keep up that facade of friendship and family affection which propriety demanded. What would come of that now?
    And he had destroyed that feeling of warmth and happiness that the visit of the boys had brought her. Despicable. But, she told herself, a failure like poor old Andy was bound to be resentful of success, resentful of happiness. Bound to be a destroyer.
    As he walked through Lydia’s gate Andy felt glad he had brought things out into the open at last, and pleased that he had defined the difference between Lydia’s love for his sons and his own. But as he walked on his mood changed: he began to feel mean and defiled. His love for Gavin did not need to be defined. And certainly it should not have been used to score a point over Lydia. Once again she had brought out the worst in him, had besmirched the finest,