A Cry For Hope Read Online Free PDF Page B

when I got older. She always took such good care of herself, and people could not get over that fact that she had just celebrated her 60 th birthday.
    I took a muffin from the basket and slathered on some butter. I anxiously waited for my coffee to get done, and sat down at the kitchen table, trying to put my thoughts in order. What the hell was I going to do with my life? I was going to be thirty-four in two months; didn’t have a job; wasn’t sure if I even had a husband anymore; and my main reason for getting out of bed each morning was gone and never coming back. How was I even going to begin to put my life back in order?
    I took a quick shower, threw on a little makeup, and placed my long, dark hair into a messy bun. I looked in the mirror, thinking that I didn’t look half bad for a girl who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I decided to take the short drive to the beach to help me clear my head.

    I got out of the car and wrapped my sweater around me tightly. The wind was whipping off the water, but I didn’t care. I took a long walk along the ocean before sitting down in the sand. My mind began to go in a million directions. I walked out. I left Jamie…the one thing that I said I would never do. But Dr. Draven was right. Maybe we had to repair the hole in both of our hearts before we could even think about mending the one that was deep inside our relationship. I looked around the desolate beach. In a few months, this place would be filled with people enjoying the warm sun and cool water. But on an unseasonably chilly April day like today, I was the only one foolish enough to venture into the harsh winds. The cool mist coming from the water and the salt air on my face mixed perfectly with my tears. I took a deep breath and looked out at the water, this powerful force of nature that took my baby away. I hated it. I loved it. I couldn’t take my eyes from it. Ironically, the same thing that had caused my heartache was now providing me with a sense of solitude. I had always loved the beach. I grew up in this tiny little New Jersey beach town that held so many happy memories. When Jamie and I had gotten married, he was just a few years out of law school and working for a law firm two hours north so we had moved there and planted our roots. Our house was located in a beautiful beach community, perfect for raising a family, but it wasn’t home. Now, without Charlie, it felt like a foreign land.
    As I looked off in the distance, I saw someone else braving the chilly winds and going for a run. As he came closer, I began to feel a strange sense of familiarity. He was handsome and very well built, but that wasn’t it. I knew him from somewhere. I shook off the feeling as he ran past, not even noticing me.
    My mind began to shift once again to the look on Jamie’s face and the sadness in his eyes when I told him that I was leaving. The stomach-churning sickness began to overtake me when I thought of him with another woman. My Jamie. The love of my life, making love to another woman. I squeezed my eyes tightly and shook my head, trying to erase that vision from my mind. Today was his birthday. I wondered if he had gotten the card that I left him. I wondered how he was spending it, or who he was spending it with. And, most of all, I wondered if he was feeling as alone and miserable as I was right now.
     
     

 
    I finally got up when my ears became numb. I walked back to my car, sat in the driver’s seat, and held my hands over the heating vent in an effort to warm them up. I pulled out onto the main road, still unable to shake the cold.  I smiled when I saw the sign, “John’s Diner Grand Opening”. Underneath it read, “The Best Hot Chocolate Around”. Hot Chocolate. That’s exactly what I need.
    I walked into the newly-remodeled diner that used to be a hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon. It was apparent that the new owners took pride in it because it had been lovingly restored. I immediately got a homey,