A Bid for Love Read Online Free PDF Page A

spoiled to death. She’s always been his little angel. I think she’ll survive for two more nights.”
    “She’s two now, isn’t she?” Cassi asked.
    Renae nodded. “We just started potty-training. I hope she’s made progress before I get home. We’re trying to get her trained before the baby comes. Three weeks doesn’t leave much time.”
    “Well, I hope Trent knows how to do the laundry,” Cassi said. “Or you’re going to have a mountain of wet underwear to wash when you get home.”
    “Oh, he’ll wash them. They’ll just be pink. Or green. Or something.” Renae rolled her eyes.
    On they talked until midnight, Renae mostly about her children and Cassi about her work. “You’re so lucky to have your family,” Cassi said as they finally turned out the lights. She settled on her bed, face up, staring at the black ceiling.
    “I guess I am. But I envy your freedom. I sometimes feel . . . well, a bit trapped.” Renae’s voice was soft in the darkness of their room. “My children are precious and I love them more than I can say, but sometimes I feel like they suck everything right out of me. They constantly want something. At times I don’t have anything left inside to give, and I want to scream, what about me? What about what I want?” She paused before adding softly, “Do you know that this trip is the first time I’ve been away from my children since Scotty was born nine years ago?”
    Cassi was quiet. She had never seen this side of Renae’s perfect life. She felt the need in her friend’s voice and ached to help her. “What is it you want to do?” she asked.
    There was a silence and then, “I don’t know, really. That’s just it. I feel like I lost me . Like I don’t even exist except as a mom or a wife. I don’t know who I am anymore. Me, the real me inside, I mean.”
    “Well, if you didn’t have any children, what would you be doing?”
    “Working, probably.”
    “Doing what? Or better yet, let’s say that you didn’t have to work. What would you do then?”
    “Well . . . I . . . uh . . .”
    “You always liked music in high school,” Cassi remembered. “Not the band stuff like clarinet or flute, but the popular music. You made up songs, and you said that one day you were going to learn to play the guitar.”
    “Oh, yeah. I remember. With ten children my parents were too poor to pay for lessons, so I started to work and was going to pay for them myself.”
    As a child from a family of only two children, Cassi had always envied Renae’s large family, but she didn’t feel now was the time to bring it up. “What happened to that idea?”
    “I guess I got involved in gymnastics and spent all my money on that. Then I met Trent, and that was that.”
    “Would you still like to take guitar?”
    “I do have a lot of songs running through my head.” Renae’s voice was full of desire. “I—I think I’d like to take voice lessons, too.”
    “There you go, then. Trent’s got a good job. Isn’t he still working for that import company?”
    “Dalton Importing. He just got a raise.”
    “Then there’s no reason you can’t swing a few lessons, is there?”
    “No. But what about leaving my children? I’ve always wanted to have a big family and be at home with my kids. I still don’t want to leave them with anyone else. Oh, what’s wrong with me for not being satisfied with being a mother?”
    Cassi winced at her pain. “Music and voice lessons only take a couple of hours a week. You could arrange them at night when Trent can watch the children, and practice during the week at home. You might not get the ironing done, but you could still be at home for your kids.”
    “Somehow that seems like cheating.”
    Cassi didn’t laugh, knowing that Renae was serious. “Not to me. Besides, music is something you can teach your children, and you’ll be happier doing it.”
     “I never looked at it that way before. How come you have? You don’t even have children.”
    Cassi