A Better Man Read Online Free PDF Page B

“Actually my feelings are sort of moot. The point is, I’ve made a decision.”
    “Which is?”
    “I want out.”
    “Of what?”
    “My marriage.”
    “You’re joking.”
    “I most assuredly am not.”
    “But you and Maya, you’re like Fred and Ginger, Bogey and Bacall, peanut butter and jell—”
    Nick cuts him off with an abrupt slice of his hand. Gray is the first person he’s voiced this to, after many months of rumination, and he is mentally prepared for a certain amount of resistance.
    “Sometimes things are not as they initially appear. Marriages—families—in particular.”
    Gray takes this in. Employs a swizzle stick to scratch a woolly sideburn. “Okay, I’ll grant you that. How should I know what goes on in someone else’s marriage? So I take it you’re not in love with her anymore?”
    Nick winces. Such a harsh way of putting it. “It’s not that. And there’s no one else, by the way—not in any
real
sense.” He looks up at Gray, who gives a skeptical cough. Nick casts his eyes away and continues, “It’s more that I don’t feel capable of loving her anymore. Or at least not in the way she needs to be loved. I literally can’t do it. It’s killing me. I feel like I’m drowning or suffocatingor—I don’t know—trapped in a role. Like I’m understudying the lead character in the movie of my own life. I’m in the wings, watching it all happen. I need to get back on stage. Take control. And the only way I can do that is by making a fresh start.”
    “Ending a marriage is many things, my friend, but a fresh start it ain’t. And lest we forget, your wife is trained in the black arts. Everyone knows you never divorce a divorce lawyer.”
    “Spare me the homilies, okay? I’ve thought long and hard about this.” Nick can feel the whisky humming over the surface of his skin now, freeing him to say what he likes. What he
means.
    “Oh, I’m not moralizing. I’m just presenting you with the facts. Divorce—if that’s what you really want—is not the get-out-of-jail-free card you might imagine. It can be a whole other prison in itself. An emotional Abu Ghraib. And a costly one too—not just financially. On every level. Especially when kids are involved. You should know that going into it.”
    “You give this speech to all your clients?”
    “Only the misguided assholes.” Gray leans back in the booth and studies Nick carefully. “And just to be clear, I’m not taking you on as a client. It would be a real conflict. Obviously. And more importantly, you can’t afford me. Don’t take it personally, bro. Almost nobody can.” Nick hoots skeptically, but Gray holds up a hand. “I can offer you my advice—as a friend—but when it comes down to it, you’ll have to retain other counsel. I can make recommendations, but I can’t act as your lawyer. Is that clear?”
    Nick nods and crunches a whisky-laced ice cube. He’d expected this speech and is secretly relieved, since he knows Gray’s wrong: he can afford him. But he’d rather not spend a year’s earnings on legal fees. He gathers himself, then asks Graythe question he’s been waiting to ask: “So how much is it going to cost me?”
    Gray doesn’t miss a beat. “More than you can afford. On every level.”
    “I’m talking strictly monetary. Not just the paperwork but the whole settlement. How much?”
    “That, my friend, depends entirely on one thing.” Gray raises the tumbler to his lips, leans back and drains it. “How much have you got to lose?”
    Nick, who has anticipated this moment too, picks up the calfskin document case that’s been sitting at his feet since he arrived and unzips it. He slides a yellow file labelled “Wakefield Family Assets” across the table.
    “You tell me,” he says.
    Gray nods grimly and picks up the file.

CHAPTER 4
    “How long’s it been?”
    “Just over three minutes.”
    “Is that all?” Maya’s stomach is clenched, her arms trembling. An angry mist of sweat rises off