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the room again fell into an obscurity of black. I’ve been sitting on the couch for what seems to be at least an hour. Through the windows I’ve watched the glow of day die and the cooling shadow of night deepen. It all seems so strange to me now, now that I’m home alone, in the safety and comfort of my apartment, with merely the spasmodic glow of a cigarette for company. Only a few hours ago, we had been together, she and I, and now she was gone, like the silent fleeting of a cat in the dead of night. Many times before, when unpleasantly pressed by circumstances, I have consoled myself with the thought that with a short passage of time all my trouble would be over. That’s all life ever pared away to, a passage of time, and no matter how long the passage, each second of consciousness was a second less to wait, … one less, … another, … another.
    Be patient, time will pass, it has to. Soon the entire problem will be over, so stop worrying ,
    I thought to myself. But now my fear of time was mounting. I missed her terribly. I could hardly keep myself in the soft cushiony hold of the couch. I wanted to run to the phone to call her. I wanted to step into the high powered car that sat at the curb awaiting its master and spark it into its mechanical life, that could zoom me to her so quickly. I could stand it no longer. I had to go to her. But no, what would be the purpose of it all. She didn’t want to see me anymore …
    Never to see her, never again to hear her says she loves me, no that was one horrible fate I could not endure. I can’t let this happen to me. I’ll keep her no matter. I’ll never relinquish my hold of her. God. Oh God, please don’t let this happen to me. Oh what am I doing, I can’t be calling on God to solve all my problems for me, I have to handle this all by myself. But what the hell can I do, … now, nothing. I’ll just have to sit and wait .
    My mind keeps popping off with conflicts. I feel as if I’m going mad. Wait and wait, is that all one has to look forward to in life, sitting and waiting. I still can’t believe that all this has happened in so short a time, but then time passes quickly, sometime to our benefit, and sometime not.
    We went to the beach this morning, she and I. How strange those words sound together after the entire relationship seems to have evaporated like the smoke from the top of a chimney. She and I had gone to the beach for one of our usual lovely summer Sunday retreats. We would leave early in the morning, usually about nine, when the sun casts its almost blinding cool early morning light, and we’d be sitting on the beach about ten, enthroned in solitary splendor on couches of sand, watching the ocean jester dance his incessant dance for us. We would bring breakfast with us, the stands that dotted the beach would still be closed, still cooling from the sizzling pace of the previous day’s business. They, too, stood in solitary splendor, like sentinels guarding the castle of the beach, with the early morning sun dazzling their red roofs and green shutters, throwing long shadows on the sand. We usually would have coffee half and half, she liked it that way, and some cakes or buns. Then we would just lie there feeling the sun in the heavens warming more and more. About eleven-thirty others would start to populate the beach, bringing with them noise and confusion, shattering the regal silence of the beach with shrill chatter and shouts. We didn’t mind, though, how could we? It wasn’t our beach. That’s why we would go early, just to enjoy, even ever so briefly, the magnificence of the silent beach. When it became warm enough we would dash into the sea, swimming and floating endlessly. It was wonderful on those Sundays, both of us enjoyed them so. But now I was never to enjoy another …
    No, no, this can’t be … Patience, all will be over in a short time … I hope so. I