69 Barrow Street Read Online Free PDF Page B

mean? There’s a better word than bother for what I had in mind.”
    “I want you to leave her alone,” he said. “She doesn’t want you.”
    “You’re wrong, Ralph.”
    “She doesn’t. And I want you to leave her be. Do you understand me?”
    “Of course I understand. That doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to the nonsense you’re spouting. What in the world’s got into you, anyway? Have you fallen for our little Miss Rivers? That won’t matter. You can have a crack at her when I’m done—”
    “Shut up!”
    She grinned. “You know, I think that’s it. You’re in love with her!”
    “Don’t be silly.”
    “You must be. You’re a real nut, Ralph—falling in love with a dyke.”
    “You’re being ridiculous,” he said, frowning. “I like her, that’s all. Even if she is a lesbian, she’s one hell of a nice person—which is something you’d never understand. And I don’t want you to get your hooks into her, Stella. You ruin people. You turn them all rotten inside.”
    She crossed her legs and reached for a cigarette. “Aren’t you being a little too dramatic, dear? Whom did I ever ruin?”
    He stared at her.
    “Tell me. I’d like to know.”
    “Leave me alone, will you?”
    She stood up and walked to him, pressing up against him and putting her arms around his neck. He tried to brush her away but she clung to him.
    “Come on,” she said. “Tell me who I’ve been ruining.”
    “Me,” he said brokenly. “You’ve made a mess out of me. How’s that for a starter?”
    He expected her to laugh but this time she didn’t. Instead she released him and took a step backwards. There was a new expression in her eyes, a mixture of pity and contempt.
    “You really think I ruined you?”
    He nodded, not looking at her.
    “No,” she said. “Not me, Ralph. You were a wreck before I ever laid eyes on you.”
    Susan Rivers read the same paragraph three times in succession.
    The third time around she realized that the paragraph seemed familiar. She closed her eyes for a second and came to the realization that it had taken her twenty minutes to read five pages of the book she held in her hand. And on top of that she could no longer remember anything that had been on any of the five pages.
    Disgusted, she closed the book and returned it to the bookshelf. She curled up in the mammoth armchair, the only really nice piece of furniture in the apartment, and tried to force herself to relax.
    It didn’t work. It never worked. There were some things you couldn’t force on yourself, and relaxation happened to be one of them.
    She closed her eyes once again and thought about Ralph Lambert. It was, all things considered, quite pleasant to think about Ralph Lambert. He was nice company. And she didn’t seem to feel afraid of him.
    With most men she was afraid, almost petrified. Not with gay men, of course, and she had been quite friendly with one or two of them from time to time. But a friendship with a male homosexual was never particularly satisfying. It seemed forced, as if the two of them were friends primarily because homosexuality served as a common bond.
    Men who were straight generally frightened her. The thought of a man touching her with his coarse hands, forcing her and hurting her, bending her down onto a bed and kissing her, touching all the private parts of her body and then…then…
    When she opened her eyes she realized that she had been shivering with fear and disgust.
    But with Ralph she felt comfortable, and she hoped that he wouldn’t try to change their friendship into anything sexual. Not only was he a man, but she was fairly certain that the woman he was living with was the woman she had passed the day before on the stoop, the woman she had found so damnably attractive.
    Would anything come of her attraction for the woman? Half of her being hoped the two of them would have an affair, if only a brief one. The other half prayed that they would live their separate lives and that their