51 Shades of Maggie, Liverpool Style Read Online Free PDF

who’d escaped from a mental hospital. So I decides to tell her all about Mr Big an his whips an his red room of pain to take her mind off nearly getting burnt alive. She was oohin an aahin as I was describin the paddles, the cable ties, the big red bed an Mr Big’s arse in those chinos. If I had a tenner, I ’ d have bet she was moist.
    An then she said to me, ‘An what’s the problem? Let him slap you up if he wants – aren’t you gettin shagged every night? An we’ll be on the scratch for life, no questions asked, if you keep in with him!’
    Then I said, ‘True. But I think I like him more than that. I think I wanna have his babies like.’
    Then she said, ‘But the benefits are all getting cut now. You’ve to go back to work when the kids are seven now. There’s no point in having kids anymore.
    Then I said, ‘You divvy, it’s when they’re five!’
    Then she said, ‘Ye wha? God, they really are robbin bastards.’
    Then away she went to the Red Lion cos she was wantin to get her hole that night. An I thought, you know, life’s too short. You never know the minute you could be burnt to death in a bonfire. I’m gonna text Mr Big an tell him I will go to meet his mum and dad tomorrow. What harm can it do? An nobody had ever wanted me to meet their parents before. Ever. Like, one time Big Billy Scriven’s mum came to his flat to clean, an do his washin, an I’d been gettin it hard up against the wardrobe at the time. He hid me under the bed an I was bollock naked. She was there for over an hour, hooverin an cleanin. An I was stuck in a twisted heap under his bed with his ashtrays an used condoms. I ended up with a dead leg an ash stuck to my tits – his flat was dead grotty. In the end I just got out from under the bed an said to her, ‘Sorry, love, just look away until I get my clothes on.’ She didn’t take her eyes off my tits the whole time, the big lesbo. An then she started wallopin Big Billy, so I bolted out the door.
    An that’s the only time I ever met somebody’s mum. An there was Mr Big actually invitin me! The shock! Then I thinks, if they’re dicks I can look to see what fancy stuff they have an give their address on to Big Gerry ‘the Housebreaker’ an he’ll gimme a tenner for it.
    So I puts in the text, ‘Rite, changed me mind. Will go to your parents 2moro. Pick me up at lunchtime an wear those chinos. :-) ’
    Then he replies ,‘ Great. We will have fun. Bring a bathing suit – they have a jacuzzi in the outhouse.’
    A jacuzzi in the outhouse? They must be minted like! So I grabbed my Katie Price bikini – the diamante one – an slapped some Fake Bacon on to my baps an thought to myself, Floozy in the Jacuzzi, here we come!

Meetin the Parents
    The next day, we caught the train together. I decided to dress down that day, with meetin the mum an dad, but I wanted to still be Maggie Muff – just a swanky version. So I decided to go commando – no bra, no knickers – Mr Big would love it. I was beginnin to like playin games with him, especially ones where I had the upper hand. I wore my blue denim skirt that I got in Primark in 1996 an my white knee boots that Big Sally-Ann shoplifted from Topshop for my birthday. Then I put on my new white furry jumper that I got at the market. It was five pounds – pricey for there – but it was so fluffy, an if Mr Big groped my boobs through it, which I was sure he would, they’d feel like two big marshmallows. An the rules say if your legs are out, keep your boobs in an vice versa – unless it’s a lock-in at the Red Lion an then it’s everythin out an shake it all about!
    Well, on the train, I was regrettin the no-bra idea. The material in my new top felt like it was made from fibreglass an it was aggravatin my tits so much, my nips were stickin out like jcb starter buttons. I was