40 Things I Want to Tell You Read Online Free PDF Page A

throw your chances away.” She shot a glance at Pete, which made me look around at him too.
God. Look away, look away.
Her voice was like the buzzing of bees. “If you fail you’ll end up going nowhere …”
    But I wasn’t listening anymore. I half twisted in my seat and bent down, pretending to be getting something out of my bag. Covertly, I studied Pete’s trainers … his jeans-clad legs … his tight black jacket … the side of his head. His sandy hair looked soft, touchable. His chin jutted out like he was mad about something; maybe he was clenching his teeth. Hmm, perfect cheekbones, full mouth. I’d have bet the rest of the room could just disappear and he’d still sit there, jaw clenched, staring off into the distance. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the rumour I’d heard from Becca. Expelled. Into drugs. He was so blatantly
not
my type.
    I was gazing up at him, so when his grey eyes flicked to rest on mine, amusement danced over his lips. I must have looked so
stupid
all twisted up in my seat, my empty hand resting on top of my bag while I goggled at him. As the blush heated my cheeks, I stared back and I was pretty sure he’d seen right through me. This had to stop. I tried to think about the advice I’d given that twelve-year-old girl Mercedes on my website recently. I was acting just like her. But sitting there, chewingon my pen, I couldn’t even remember the things Cleo said were ways to forget a crush. A
crush.
    Mrs. Livermore beamed in my direction, oblivious to the fact my heart was beating three times faster than it should. Even though I found her so boring, she clearly favoured me—probably because I always got such good grades. “Yes, those exams are very important. As we all know, don’t we, Bird?”
    I glanced at Cleo, who rolled her chocolate-brown eyes at me and stuck her tongue out. Thank God for Cleo. I grinned at her quickly and then I said, “Yes, Mrs. Livermore,” as I was expected to.

CHAPTER 4
    Wed 20 Oct
    Dear Miss Take-Control-of-Your-Life,
    I bet you get questions like this from girls all the time. My girlfriend wants us to have sex and you’d think I’d be happy about it. I do want to have sex. Thing is, I’m a virgin and like only 60% sure that she would be cool with that. I’m running out of excuses. I’m not gay but she might think I am if we don’t have sex soon. And how do I know she’s the right girl?
    Adam99, 16
    Adam99 sounded great. I wished Griffin could be more like him.
    As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I regretted it. Griffin wasn’t pressuring me: what he wanted was
normal.
I paused before answering Adam99, pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write a list.Pros of having sex with Griffin:
    • First time is a big deal and it will be with someone I trust and know well.
    • I’m not shy with him.
    • He loves me.
    • It will be a good step for us as a couple.
    • He’s my best friend (apart from Cleo!).
    • I’ve known him forever. We’ll be friends forever—together forever.
    • We will be careful and safe.
    Cons of having sex with Griffin:
    • I am feeling pressured. Not sure why. Not sure I should have sex just because I feel pressured to. Maybe I’m feeling worried because it’s my first time. Will it hurt?
    • He’s my best friend. Okay, this is a pro too, but sometimes it seems like a con.
    • Although I’m not shy with him, maybe I will be if we’re not wearing clothes. Might be weird.
    • Is he the one? I know he is and we have a great future planned, but sometimes he’s just so … so him. I wish he could be more confident and more mysterious—maybe I just know him too well.
    • I keep thinking about Pete Loewen. The idea of being with him doesn’t make me feel anything except excited. Maybe this is a pro reason for having sex with G … Would it get me back in the right headspace?
    Seeing the words I’d written led me to doodle a frustrated series of angry lines and squares under the list. This was