1998 - Round Ireland with a fridge Read Online Free PDF Page A

Needless to say, her words had the reverse effect, causing an increase in volume and the personalisation of a number of songs in her honour. Suddenly I found it all more relaxing. The lyrics were more entertaining now they had found a focus, and the woman’s increasing discomfort somehow had a soothing effect upon me.
    Ignoring the surrounding turbulence I began to study my map of Ireland. I knew very little about the place and had no real idea of the distances involved, but my brain wasn’t up to the taxing task of trying to work them out now. I gave some thought to what I might try and tackle on my first morning. My intention was to get a bus out of Dublin in the direction of Cavan and try and start hitching in roughly the area where I reckoned I had seen the original ‘Fridge Man’ all those years ago. This, I decided, was somewhere around Navan. I looked out of the window. It was raining. Ireland is good at that To cheer myself up I started to scan the map for places with silly names. I noticed a Nobber and another place Muff. Muff was on the coast and I was momentarily amused by the idea of going there and attempting to hire some diving gear. The plane touched down. The Odyssey had begun.

3
    This Bus Is Going To Cavan
    S hane must be a very good friend of Seamus. I can just imagine his face when he got the call.
    ‘Oh hi Shane, it’s Seamus here—could you do a favour for me?’
    ‘Sure.’
    He had already made mistake number one by not finding out the nature of the favour first.
    ‘There’s this friend of mine Tony and he’s going to hitch-hike round Ireland with a fridge.’
    ‘Hmmmmm.’
    ‘Could you buy a small fridge and a trolley for it and pick him up at Dublin airport? Hell give you the money when he gets there.’
    ‘Er—’
    ‘Good, grand…I’ll ring you Friday with the flight details.’
    §
    And there he was at the airport, the man who had been entrusted with the responsibility of purchasing someone’s travelling companion for the next month, a role more commonly associated with Bangkok than Dublin. Although we’d never met, we knew each other instantly. He must have been able to recognise the wild apprehension in my eyes and I could see the dismay in his. He greeted me cordially enough and we made our way to the car. That was where the fridge was, he told me, accurately assessing that its whereabouts were my main concern.
    I was rather nervous about meeting it. He’d been given detailed instructions and he seemed bright enough, but what if he’d bought the wrong kind of fridge? I suddenly felt it had been a mistake to have abdicated responsibility for this, the most important of all my pieces of baggage. After all I knew so much about fridges having been given the lowdown by an expert like Darren. But it had to be like this because today was a Sunday and not a good day for fridge shopping, and I wanted to make a start first thing in the morning. It was almost like starting a new job—in on Monday morning, bright and early, looking your best and keen to impress.
    We climbed the stairs in the surprisingly odourless multi-storey car park. I found Shane to be a reticent man but assumed he was more so today because his thoughts were occupied trying to work out the size of favour he would demand from Seamus in return for having done this one. It was certain to be a biggy, along the lines of ‘There’s this man I want you to kill…’ Then I saw the fridge for the first time. Shane had done well. Exactly what I had been looking for, a white cube about two feet square. I patted it affectionately and Shane looked away allowing us a moment of intimacy. Then he produced the trolley and in reverent silence we strapped the fridge to it, respectful witnesses at the birth of a truly symbiotic relationship.
    I wheeled the fridge around the car park a bit like a sportsman warming up, and it felt good. Me, the fridge and the trolley were going to get along just fine. We would have been the dream team