186 Miles Read Online Free PDF Page A

normally I don’t.  But I guess it’s a party.”  I was making
excuses.  I really hated shots.
     
    “Then
do one with me .”
     
    “Aw,
man.  I am not a shot girl.  I’ll be passed out in an hour and you’ll have to
put me outside like a dog to sleep.”
     
    “I
won’t make you sleep outside.  I promise you that.”  He took a long pull
off of his beer.  “Just one?”
     
    I
had to.  I couldn’t do one with Jeremy and not do one with Vince, right?
     
    “One.” 
I paused.  “I’m fucking serious.”
     
    “Okay,
you’re fucking serious.”  He smiled widely.
     
    I
picked up the thick syrup and put it to my lips.
     
    “Wait,
wait!  It’s bad luck if you don’t shoot to something.”
     
    “Okay. 
To World Peace.”
     
    “Weak!” 
He made a game-show buzzer sound.
     
    “To
gay marriage?”
     
    “Better. 
How about ‘to new friends.’”
     
    “Yes,
good one.”  I threw back the drink and squeezed my eyes shut.
     
    Just
then, Vince pulled me out of my chair.  “Let’s dance, mama.”
     
    I
grinned at the term of endearment.  Some of my other friends also called me
that.
     
    He
pulled me in close and lazily spun me around.  It was more like a hug and a
sway.  I put my head against his chest.  I could smell his soap.
     
    “I
feel a little dizzy, I think.  Shots.”  I staggered a bit.
     
    “Whoa. 
Come on, pumpkin.  Let’s get you some water.”
     
    Vince
took me through the kitchen, grabbed a bottle from the refrigerator and headed
into his bedroom.  He shut the door behind me.
     
    “Sit,
lady.”  He handed me the bottle.  “Drink it.”
     
    I
cracked the cap and took a short swig.  “Go back to the party.  You don’t have
to stay here with me.”
     
    “I
told you.  I want to stay here with you.”  He sat down on the side of
the bed.  “Do you need to lie down?” 
     
    “Maybe
for a minute.”
     
    He
repositioned himself on the bed so that he was lying down.  He put his arm out
so that I could nestle into the crook.  I put my head on his chest and closed
my eyes.  When I opened them, he was looking at me.  This was serious.  He was
going to kiss me.  I could feel it.
     
    Did
I want him to?  Did I need him to?  
He was my closest friend right now.  He was helping me… with everything .
     
    He
closed the gap between us and lightly brushed his lips to mine.  Seconds later,
he pulled back.  “Is this okay?”
     
    “Yes.” 
I answered too quickly.
     
    He
leaned in again.  This time, his mouth opened slightly and he traced my bottom
lip with his tongue.  His hands curled around my back, pulling me in tighter.
     
    Oh.
My. God.  Did I want this?
     
    Everything
in my body said ( yes! ).  But I was lonely.  He was my “Replacement Ryan.”
     
    I
couldn’t let him be that.  If I wanted him, I had to slow down.
     
    “Wait,”
I breathed.  He immediately stopped.
     
    “Are
you okay?  I’m sorry, Rachel.  I got carried away.”  He jackknifed up into a
sitting position.  “It was too fast, right?”
     
    I
rubbed his back lightly.  “I like you.  Seriously. ”  I paused to gather
my thoughts.  “I just think it’s too soon.  I think about you all of the time,
I do.  And I wanted you to kiss me.  But now that you have, I just feel
fucking awful.”
     
    He
looked down at his hands and kneaded his fingers.
     
    “Vince. 
I didn’t mean it like that.  I feel bad because I wanted you to kiss
me.  I mean, say that I was your wife and you died.  Would you want Ryan
to kiss me ?”
     
    I
could see it start to sink in.  “No, you’re right.  If you were mine , I
wouldn’t want anyone else to touch you.”
     
    “I
know that he’s gone, but I don’t want to be some crazy slut that gets a new
boyfriend after like five weeks, you know?  I mean, not that you’re my
boyfriend or whatever…” I trailed off.
     
    “I’ll
wait.”
     
    “What
do you mean?”
     
    “I’ll
wait for you.  I