12bis Plum Lovin' Read Online Free PDF Page A

in the ignition. "Let's go-"
     
    "Wait a minute. This is my car. I drive."
     
    "Everybody knows the guy gets to drive."
     
    "Not in Jersey."
     
    "Especially in Jersey," Diesel said. "The testosterone level in Jersey is fifteen percent higher than it is in any other state."
     
Chapter 4
     
    It was still early, so we stopped at a supermarket on the way home.
     
    "What about the shopping cart?" I asked Diesel. "Do you have to drive that, too?"
     
    "I'd get my nuts repossessed if I didn't drive the shopping cart."
     
    A half hour later, we loaded our food onto the checkout belt, and Diesel gave his credit card to the checker.
     
    "Boy, you've got lots of food," the checker said.
     
    "A man's gotta eat," Diesel told her.
     
    I took a peek at the card. "There's no bank name on this card," I whispered to Diesel.
     
    "It's an Unmentionable card," he said. "Good in three solar systems."
     
    I was pretty sure he was kidding.
     
    I crammed the last of the food into my kitchen… lunch meat, beer, cheese, peanut butter, pickles, bagels, ice cream, cereal, milk, orange juice, apples, bananas, bread, cream cheese, coffee, half-and-half, crackers, cookies, chips, salsa, carrots, mixed nuts, and God-knows-what-else.
     
    Diesel took a bag of chips and a beer into the living room and remoted the television on. "This is great," he said. "I can catch the end of the hockey game."
     
    I settled next to him and reached into the chip bag. Bob had been sleeping in the bedroom, but the rustle of a chip bag was a Bob alarm, and in a beat Bob was up and expectantly standing in front of me. I fed him a couple chips, and he flopped down on the floor with his head on my foot.
     
    "Beaner isn't such a bad guy" I said. "He's just frustrated. He's been married for a long time, and all of a sudden his wife isn't satisfied with the status quo. I think Beaner would like to fix things, but he just doesn't know how to get up to speed. He doesn't know how to go about talking to his wife. And he says, according to his wife, he sucks in the sack."
     
    "So give him a pill."
     
    "It's not about that. Women don't care about that. That's a man problem."
     
    "Yeah, I get it," Diesel said. "But a pill would have been easy. This is just plain embarrassing. Maybe I don't have to shut him down. Maybe we can reprogram him."
     
    "We?"
     
    "Unmentionables who've crossed the line aren't happy to see me. And bad things happen when Beaner isn't happy. So either you're going to have to convince him to chill and talk to me, or else you're going to have to get him alone somewhere. I can't seem to follow Beaner, but I can follow you."
     
    "What about his listening-and-understanding problem?"
     
    "I suck at that," Diesel said. "That's girl stuff. You're going to have to explain that to him."
     
    "Only if you help me with Annie Hart's cases. I've scored a big zero with two out of three, and I'm not sure the third one will fly."
     
    Diesel's cell phone buzzed.
     
    "Yeah," Diesel said into the phone. "Now what?"
     
    He slouched deeper into the couch and listened with his mouth set tight. "Yeah," he said. "I hear you. I'm working on it. Send everyone a case of whatever the hell it is they need."
     
    "And?" I said when he disconnected.
     
    "Beaner can't find Annie, so he's visiting her friends and relatives, causing havoc."
     
    The next call was from Annie.
     
    "I'm working on it," Diesel said. "I can't approach him in public and have him contaminate a room filled with innocent people." He nodded and listened. "You have to be patient," he said. "I have a partner. She's helping me with your cases, and she's helping me find Bernie Beaner." More talking on the other end. "No, I'm not bringing her to you. You have to trust me."
     
    Diesel disconnected.
     
    "How'd that go?" I asked him. "Does she trust you?"
     
    "Not even a little. She's coming over here."
     
    "What about Bernie? I thought it wasn't safe for Annie to go out because Bernie might get