doesn’t look as fake as it feels.
The music starts and I relax. I can do the first few things pretty well. The somersaults, the handstand, the cartwheel. I can even do a back walkover. I take my time on these, drawing them out as long as possible. But it’s time for the back handspring and all I can hear is my heart beating. As I stand there, arms raised by my ears in preparation, I’m momentarily blinded by the glare of Ruby’s shiny red outfit glowing in the sunlight that streams through the gym windows. I close my eyes and try to focus on everything Stephanie taught me. But all I recall is something about swinging my arms, and remembering to smile. So I swing my arms. And I smile. And I swing my arms some more.
“Any time now, Amanda,” Coach Lyons says, pointing to her watch.
But all I can do is swing my arms. Oh, and smile. From the bleachers I hear Stephanie yell, “Come on, Amanda. You can do it!”
But I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m totally frozen. Coach Lyons makes some kind of mark on her clipboard and then blows her whistle. “Jana Morling, you’re up.”
Jana is a small girl who just transferred here last month. She stands up, but hesitates. She looks at me, then back at the coach. I finally unfreeze enough to step off the mat so she can take her turn. I feel like I’m in one of those dreams where you’re taking a big test but you realize you’ve missed class all year. Did I really just freeze like that and not even try? Stephanie’s probably really mad. She did so great, she’ll definitely make the team. And then she’ll be friends with the popular girls and I won’t.
I feel like I have a bowling ball stuck in my stomach.
I quickly change back into my clothes and run through the hall toward the front door. I pass the kids coming out of the band auditions with their instruments in black cases and that only makes me feel worse. I sit on the concrete steps of the school to wait for Stephanie’s mom, who’s driving us home. I’m leaning against the railing, wondering how I’m going to explain to her what happened, when she pulls up in their Jeep. She waves and gets out of the car.
“How’d it go, honey?”
“Not so good. But Stephanie did great.”
She pats me on the shoulder. “I’m sure you did fine.”
I shake my head. She digs into her pocketbook and pulls out a cherry lollipop. She holds it out to me.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it. Stephanie has a four-year-old sister who likes to throw tantrums in public, so her mom always has a stash of in-case-of-emergency lollipops. I’ve just unwrapped it and stuck it in my mouth when Stephanie runs out of the building, followed by Ruby. I brace myself.
“What happened to you?” she asks, not even saying hi to her mom.
“I don’t know. I guess I froze.” Out of the corner of my eye I can see Ruby hiding a smile behind her notebook. Did she set me up? I’m about to accuse her of mentioning the whole freezing thing just to psych me out, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I would have been able to do the stupid back handspring anyway. I wish Stephanie would stop looking at me with that mixture of pity and disappointment.
Stephanie’s mom puts her arm around me again. “Come on, Stephanie. It’s Amanda’s birthday today. Go easy on her.”
I smile gratefully.
Stephanie sighs. “I just wanted us to be on the team together, that’s all. It’s not going to be the same without you.”
“You made it!” I shout, genuinely happy for her.
She nods, unable to keep from grinning. “So did Ruby.”
Ruby grins too, and they slap hands. I follow them out to the car and have to listen the whole way home to how excited they are. Why couldn’t I be more coordinated? I wonder which parent I can blame for passing down the uncoordination gene. If there is such a thing.
When we get to my house Stephanie walks with me up to the door. “So you’re okay? About me being on the team?”
I nod. “It’s fine. We can’t
The music starts and I relax. I can do the first few things pretty well. The somersaults, the handstand, the cartwheel. I can even do a back walkover. I take my time on these, drawing them out as long as possible. But it’s time for the back handspring and all I can hear is my heart beating. As I stand there, arms raised by my ears in preparation, I’m momentarily blinded by the glare of Ruby’s shiny red outfit glowing in the sunlight that streams through the gym windows. I close my eyes and try to focus on everything Stephanie taught me. But all I recall is something about swinging my arms, and remembering to smile. So I swing my arms. And I smile. And I swing my arms some more.
“Any time now, Amanda,” Coach Lyons says, pointing to her watch.
But all I can do is swing my arms. Oh, and smile. From the bleachers I hear Stephanie yell, “Come on, Amanda. You can do it!”
But I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m totally frozen. Coach Lyons makes some kind of mark on her clipboard and then blows her whistle. “Jana Morling, you’re up.”
Jana is a small girl who just transferred here last month. She stands up, but hesitates. She looks at me, then back at the coach. I finally unfreeze enough to step off the mat so she can take her turn. I feel like I’m in one of those dreams where you’re taking a big test but you realize you’ve missed class all year. Did I really just freeze like that and not even try? Stephanie’s probably really mad. She did so great, she’ll definitely make the team. And then she’ll be friends with the popular girls and I won’t.
I feel like I have a bowling ball stuck in my stomach.
I quickly change back into my clothes and run through the hall toward the front door. I pass the kids coming out of the band auditions with their instruments in black cases and that only makes me feel worse. I sit on the concrete steps of the school to wait for Stephanie’s mom, who’s driving us home. I’m leaning against the railing, wondering how I’m going to explain to her what happened, when she pulls up in their Jeep. She waves and gets out of the car.
“How’d it go, honey?”
“Not so good. But Stephanie did great.”
She pats me on the shoulder. “I’m sure you did fine.”
I shake my head. She digs into her pocketbook and pulls out a cherry lollipop. She holds it out to me.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it. Stephanie has a four-year-old sister who likes to throw tantrums in public, so her mom always has a stash of in-case-of-emergency lollipops. I’ve just unwrapped it and stuck it in my mouth when Stephanie runs out of the building, followed by Ruby. I brace myself.
“What happened to you?” she asks, not even saying hi to her mom.
“I don’t know. I guess I froze.” Out of the corner of my eye I can see Ruby hiding a smile behind her notebook. Did she set me up? I’m about to accuse her of mentioning the whole freezing thing just to psych me out, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I would have been able to do the stupid back handspring anyway. I wish Stephanie would stop looking at me with that mixture of pity and disappointment.
Stephanie’s mom puts her arm around me again. “Come on, Stephanie. It’s Amanda’s birthday today. Go easy on her.”
I smile gratefully.
Stephanie sighs. “I just wanted us to be on the team together, that’s all. It’s not going to be the same without you.”
“You made it!” I shout, genuinely happy for her.
She nods, unable to keep from grinning. “So did Ruby.”
Ruby grins too, and they slap hands. I follow them out to the car and have to listen the whole way home to how excited they are. Why couldn’t I be more coordinated? I wonder which parent I can blame for passing down the uncoordination gene. If there is such a thing.
When we get to my house Stephanie walks with me up to the door. “So you’re okay? About me being on the team?”
I nod. “It’s fine. We can’t
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