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your muffin.” She flings it back at the skinny bitch.
     “Fattie!” screams Sasperilla, flicking crumbs off her frilly gown as if they’re deadly insects.
     Winifred’s freckles explode like fireworks, turning her whole face red. Clenching her fists, she looks ready to charge.
      Great. The party’s about to get bigger. The ugly troll is limping our way. His stony eyes fixate on me. What’s your problem, mister? On second thought, I don’t want to know. I’ve had it with these whackos.
    “How’s everyone doing?” It’s Fanta. Her two big-butt sisters join her just in time to prevent a brawl between Sasperilla and Winifred.
    “People, finish up,” says Flossie.
    “It’s time for your morning meditation,” says Fairweather.
    Meditation? Now, what poison are they springing on me?
     Elzmerelda tells me that meditation teaches us to stay focused on the present while turbulent thoughts and emotions swirl through our heads. “Getting in touch with your inner spirituality is another part of the healing process."
    Inner spirituality? What the hell is she talking about? It gets worse. She rambles on, spewing more mumbo jumbo like “life affirmation,” “self-realization,” and “emotional awareness.” 
     “It’s a stupid waste of time!” snorts Sasperilla.
    Reluctantly, the skinny bitch sits down on the grass with her sister, the fatty, and the catatonic troll in a cross-legged pose. Fanta leads them in some ridiculous “hang-out-in-the-light” incantation. I refuse to join in. 
     Flossie takes me aside. “Don’t worry, dear. Grass stains don’t hurt so please find a place with the others.” She gently takes me by the hand and then shoves me to the ground. The nerve of her! I’m going to file a complaint for excessive force. Fairy brutality! When they find out I’m a queen, they’ll shut this place down. And I’ll be free to go!
    Right now, I have no choice but to chant along while Flossie keeps her stink eye on me. She’ll probably batter me with her wand if I don’t cooperate. And break my nose and knock out my teeth! I’ll never ever be Fairest of All again! Talking about turbulent thoughts! Chanting isn’t going to help me.
     “Close your eyes and repeat after me,” says Fanta. Waving her wand, she chants:
     
“I am here to be helped.
To share. To be one with me.
On whatever level, I can find myself
To become the me I need to be.”
     
    I have no idea what these words mean. But when I say them, a peacefulness saturates my body and mind. I’m no longer on this planet. I’m in a higher place. A place where everything is possible. Even going back to my castle and forgiving my mirror.
    “Isn’t Fanta amazing?” singsongs Elzmerelda when our meditation ends. “She and her sisters were once able to put an entire kingdom to sleep.”
     I hate to admit it, but I’ve never felt so good. I feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe, this place is some kind of spa after all. Okay, it’s a little run down and caters to a bunch of crazies, but nonetheless, it’s got spa potential.
    Fairweather waddles up to me. She hands me a map showing the layout of the castle and grounds. “My dear, it’s time for you to meet your personal therapist.”
      A therapist? Faraway is a real spa! At last, I’m getting a massage. A facial and quick body wrap can’t be far behind. In no time, they’ll let me out of this joint. Renewed! Refreshed! Revitalized! Ready to reclaim my place as Fairest of All.
     
    ***
     
    Following the directions of the map, I find myself humping the never-ending spiral staircase of a towering turret. With every step, I get more and more winded. The massage room is located at the very top. What a stupid place to put it! Then again, maybe they deliberately want you to feel wasted to appreciate your massage. That’s if you make it. I may not.
     At last, I reach my destination. Breathing heavily, I stagger into a small circular room. It’s sparsely decorated with only a simple