01 - Pongwiffy a Witch of Dirty Habits Read Online Free PDF Page A

was perched on
the draining board next to the sink, crooning a sea chanty whilst sharpening his
teeth with a file.
     
    We pushed him off the plank, miaw,
    We clapped him when he sank, miaw,
    Oh what a jolly prank, miaw
    When Filthy Frank was drowned-O!
     
    sang Dudley in a low growl.
    “What a pretty tune, Dudley,” said Sharkadder. “I do love it when you sing.”
    Pongwiffy accidentally sprinkled three drops of water on the tip of Dudley’s
tail. Only three little drops, that’s all, but you should have heard him!
    “Ye cack-handed, clumsy old crow, I’ll hang ye from the yard arm! I’ll have
ye pulverized and thrown to the fishes, be danged if I don’t!”
    “He likes you really,” said Sharkadder, rolling up the last hedgehog. “That’s
just his way of speaking.” She took a bottle marked Old Sock and dabbed some
behind her ears. “Want some?”
    “No,” said Pongwiffy proudly. “I have my own built-in smell.” True. Compared
to Pongwiffy, Old Sock smells like a garden of roses.
    “Now, we need a paper and pencil, then we must put on our Thinking Caps.”
Sharkadder bustled about in a businesslike way.
    “I haven’t brought mine,” said Pongwiffy.
    “Never mind, we’ll take turns with mine. Come to mother, Dudley, and sit on
my lap.”
    Dudley stretched, yawned and thumped heavily on to Sharkadder’s bony knees. He
rubbed himself against her chin, purring loudly.
    “Isn’t he sweet? Isn’t he a darling? He’s my Dudley. My cuddly-wuddly Dudley,”
cooed Sharkadder adoringly, picking hairs off her lipstick. “Of course, you’ll
never find a Familiar like Dudley, Pong. Not many Witches are so lucky.”
    “No,” agreed Pongwiffy, hoping that her bad luck would hold. She certainly
didn’t want a Familiar like Dudley.
    All that day they worked on the advertisement. The floor was a sea of screwed
up pieces of paper and broken pencils before they got it just right. Even the
Thinking Cap was fit for nothing, and had to be thrown away.
    “It’s rather good, isn’t it?” said Pongwiffy many hours later, peering with
red, bleary eyes at the finished product.
    “It’s brilliant,” agreed Sharkadder, who had done most of the work. “Read it
again. I could listen to it all night.”
     
    WANTED FAMILIAR, Apply to Witch Pongwiffy, The Hovel, Dump Edge, Witchway
Wood. No time wasters.
     
    Sharkadder stood up and began taking the hedgehogs from her hair. She placed
them tidily in a little box, where they lay in rows, still snoring.
    “I’m sure that’ll do the trick, Pong. Good job you had me to help you.”
    “It was,” said Pongwiffy gratefully. “Thanks, Sharky. Thanks for the meals too.
You’re a good friend.” And off she went to post it.
     
    * * *
     
    By the following night, Pongwiffy had forgotten all about her advertisement.
She was too busy preparing her supper to think about anything else. Her supper
was giving her problems. It was Toad-in-the-Hole. She had made a Hole—a nice
deep one in the lumpy grey batter. The trouble lay in getting the Toad to stay
in it. Every time she turned her back to reach for the salt, out its head would
pop again, a tetchy expression on its face.
    “I’ve told you a hundred times. Get back down and stay down,” snapped
Pongwiffy, puffing up the fire with the bellows.
    “Why?” complained the Toad, who liked explanations.
    “Because you’re my supper, that’s why! Now, get back to that Hole!”
    “Shan’t,” sulked the Toad.
    Pongwiffy whacked it smartly on the head with a spoon. The Toad submerged,
muttering vague threats.
    “Now then, what next? Ah yes. Lay the table.”
    Laying the table wasn’t as easy as it sounds. Tottering towers of dirty
dishes reached almost to the rafters. They had been growing steadily taller all
week, for Pongwiffy, being a Witch of Dirty Habits, couldn’t be bothered to
clear them away. Her Wand was somewhere around. Probably on the table, buried
under the groaning piles of dishes. Some had