Zombiez! Read Online Free PDF Page B

for only $14.95 at Target. It was the only real-world
noise loud enough to register with the angry insane woman who was
spooning tuna out of a half-opened can with nothing but her bare
spindly fingers. She was wearing her sunglasses and staring
straight ahead at the unplugged TV in her living room. On it, she
could usually play back events from her past, or events that she
wanted to see in her future. Lately it had become locked on the
Death to Stacy Channel, and Rose enjoyed the shows on that channel
very much.
    Her personal viewing of “Stacy Gets Hit By An
Errant Boulder” was interrupted by a louder noise than the clock –
out of nowhere, a single knock at the door. Normally, this would
not phase Rose in the least during her tuna TV time, but something
about the single knock drew her interest. She looked through the
kitchen at the solid oak door, and was surprised to see a red beret
in its 1' x 1' glass window. A red envelope poked through the space
underneath the door. Without thinking or even taking her hand out
of the tuna can, Rose rose from her easy chair and began walking
towards the kitchen. He legs were half-asleep, and the stroll
proved difficult in her entropied state. She fell to the floor with
a crazed shriek, launching the tuna can over her head into parts
unknown. The red envelope was closer now that she had fallen, and
she used this closeness to motivate her body into crawling across
the cold dusty kitchen tiles in an attempt to reach it. For some
reason, that red envelope had become her reason for living. Maybe
it was the sane part of her reaching out for something in the real
world that had some meaning, or maybe she just liked the color red.
Whatever the reason, she had to have that envelope in her
tuna-caked fingers as soon as insanely possible.
    It was a red envelope with writing on it.
Rose stared at the calligraphy for twelve full seconds before
recognizing her name. It was for her! Part of her believed it was
too good to be true, but she tore the envelope open anyway. There
was a card inside, also blood red. It said:

    To: Rose Fitzgerald Walker-Hughes
    From: The Kennedy Foundation

    You are cordially invited to a dinner in your
honor
    on June the Seventeenth, at Eight O' Clock in
the evening
    at the request of John F Kennedy, the living
President
    In the woods behind the farmer's field,
directly South
    from the cabin at 2011 Straggler Way
    just keep walking South until you find a
feast, Rose
    this is the opportunity of a lifetime,
Rose

    Even in her detached state, Rose knew this
couldn't be anything but a figment of her imagination. She looked
at her kitchen table where her Red Friends were hanging out. They
were giving her the thumbs-up sign. She didn't remember them ever
having thumbs before, but the little devils were still correct --
there's no use being insane if your imagination can't lead you on
an adventure or two. She looked back at the blood-red card in
amazement. The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived was having a dinner in
her honor; what an escape from reality that could
potentially turn out to be!

THE CONGRESSMAN II
    Jennifer could feel the fire burning in her
calves as she trudged over the black dirt and dead leaves of the
forest. This was not the way she wanted to spend a Friday night,
with her creepy boss in this creepy place. She drove here because
Albiers was drunk, and also because she did everything he told her
to. He paid her a lot of money, and a lot of attention, and
sometimes this meant she had to do unpleasant things. Such was the
life of a United States Congressman's assistant. If it wasn't worth
such invaluable connections with important people, she would have
tendered her resignation a long time ago. But this was the present,
and not the future. Jennifer hoped and prayed that someday she
herself would be able to drunkenly harass her own poor assistant
into driving her to pick up a bribe in the woods.
    They reached the clearing and Albiers grabbed
her smartly by the arm.