Zombie Lover Read Online Free PDF Page B

She had been a luscious young
     
    ZOMBIfc lO\ER      31
     
    woman, but now she was safely middle aged and rather beyond lus-ciousness. It would not be politic to mention that, however. "Yes. Can you distract it a moment?"
     
    Dor focused on the clock sitting on the far side of the vine. "Is that a time fly flying toward you?" he asked it.
     
    "A time fly!" it cried, alarmed. It was an alarm clock, that got alarmed by the silliest things. "Don't let it near me! It will foul up my mechanism."
     
    "I think the fish tank just got it," the shelf said. The fish tank in the neighboring aquarium swung its turret around, searching for the fly. It rolled forward on its treads, but no fly was to be found. It fired off a watery shell, annoyed.
     
    "Maybe it's a sapphire fly," the aquarium said.
     
    The flame vine's flower whipped around, because those bright little flies were its kind. They set fire to the sap of plants, which made them unpopular with most other types.
     
    During the flame vine's distraction, Irene whipped the spout of her watering can in and delivered a good dollop to its soil. Then she drew her hand away before the flame could return to burn her, "Thanks," she said.
     
    "Oh, she got you good, flamebrain," the pot said. "Don't you ever learn?"
     
    The flame vine took aim and scorched it, but the pot only laughed. "I was fired long ago, tender-root. That's why I sought work here. You can't hurt me."
     
    "Oh, stop all this quarreling," Irene snapped.
     
    "Who says?" the pot demanded metallically.
     
    "I say. Or I'll use the hair spray on you."
     
    "You wouldn't dare!"
     
    Irene brought out a bottle and pressed the top. A jet of hair shot out and formed a cloud around the pot. Soon it got worse: the hair formed into choking tangles. "Oh, ugh!" it exclaimed, coughing. "What a hairy mess!"
     
    Dor smiled. It was never wise to call his wife's bluff. She did not like back talk.
     
    Irene brought out a hare comb. "After this perhaps you will behave," she said as the hare tackled the worst of the tangles, clearing the pot's surface.
     
    "Yes," the pot agreed, chastened.
     
    32       PIERS ANTHONY
     
    Irene moved on to the miniature hackberry tree. It bore small axe-shaped berries that waved about, trying to hack things. Her watering can had many little dents from prior times.
     
    Dor looked in the aquarium. It was a fish bowl, and inside it pin and needle fish stood on their tails, waiting to be bowled over.
     
    The floor tile Irene stood on spoke up. "Oh, guess what I'm seeing!" it chortled. "Feet, ankles, calves—"
     
    Irene lifted a foot and stomped on it warningly, and it shut up. She knew how to handle the inanimate.
     
    "I understand you are looking for me," Dor said. "Was it for a kiss?"
     
    'That, too," she agreed, kissing him.
     
    "Ooooo!" the ceiling exclaimed. "Look what she did—and at her age too."
     
    Irene shot half a glance at the ceiling, and it went silent. She didn't like discussion of age. "We have news that the zombies are all stirred up. Mr. E brought it to our attention." Mr. E was a man who loved enigmas. In fact he could sniff them out from afar. He never solved them; he merely called them to the attention of others who were likely to be willing to undertake that chore.
     
    "Zombies?" he asked, intrigued.
     
    "People are getting annoyed. Do you think we should check into
     
    it?"
     
    Dor considered. This was her way of saying that the matter needed immediate attention. He was bored with the dull palace routine anyway. "I will see to it immediately. You can keep an eye on the kingdom for an hour."
     
    "Or a year. Zombies aren't necessarily nice creatures," she said. "Except for Zora. I wonder how she's doing?"
     
    "She's rotting," the nearest table suggested.
     
    Dor ignored it. "I think she had a son some time ago. But you're right: most zombies are a bit ugly. Maybe I should take Dolph along, for quick transportation." Their son Dolph's talent was changing