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it is,’ Rage says. ‘All you have to do is hold your tongue when the doc’s warbling on about heavenly missions. How hard can that be? In fact I bet he doesn’t mention it that often. Am I right, Clay?’
    Carl nods. ‘He’s barely mentioned religion to me since that first time. In fact he even apologises on the rare occasions when he namechecks God, since he knows that makes some people feel uncomfortable.’
    ‘See?’ Rage beams. ‘Simple, like I told you.’
    ‘It’s not!’ I shout, pushing Carl away and getting to my feet. I think about picking a fight with Rage but I don’t. And it’s not just because I know he’d wipe the floor with me. He’s trying to help. He deserves an answer, not an angry retort.
    ‘It’s because of my dad,’ I say sadly, sinking back on to my bed. ‘He wasn’t a nice guy. He used to beat me and my mum, and he was a racist. He made me do something even worse than what Rage and the other zom heads did underground …’
    I spill my guts, telling them everything, about Dad, how he campaigned to keep England white, the way he pressured me to copy his lead, how I went along with him for the sake of a quiet life. I end with what happened to Tyler Bayor, Dad screaming at me to throw him to the zombies, obeying because it was what I’d become accustomed to.
    I choke up towards the end. I’d cry if I could, but of course the tears aren’t there and never will be again. Still, my chest heaves and my voice shakes. I even let rip with a few involuntary moans, like Cian a while earlier.
    There’s a long silence when I finish. Everyone’s looking at me, but I don’t glance up to check whether they’re staring with sympathy or loathing.
    ‘I knew my dad for what he was,’ I moan. ‘A nasty sod, a bully, a manipulator. In the end, a monster.But I loved him anyway. I still do. If he walked in now, I’d hug him and tell him how much I’ve missed him, and it would be true. He was my father, whatever his faults.’
    I get up and wander across the room to the model of the Houses of Parliament which Ashtat has been working on. I stare at it, gathering my thoughts.
    ‘People complained about politicians in the old days, called them self-serving, greedy, power-hungry gits. But hardly anyone tried to change the system. They were our elected leaders and we felt like we had to go along with them because there was no other way.
    ‘I did that with my dad and it was wrong, just as people were wrong to put up with the political creeps. There’s
always
another way. If it’s not clear-cut, we have to work hard to find it. We shouldn’t trudge along, putting our faith in people who don’t deserve it, accepting things because we’re afraid of what will happen if we break ranks and try to build something better.
    ‘Dad was a good man in certain ways. He was loyalto his friends. I don’t think he ever cheated on Mum. He was brave — he risked his life to try and save me when the zombies attacked. But he thought that whites were superior to other races. It was a huge flaw in him. I could see it, but I put up with it because I didn’t dare confront him.’
    I turn away from the model and face the others. ‘Dr Oystein’s like my dad. A good man in many ways, but too sure of himself and the way the world should be ordered. I can’t believe that God spoke to him. That doesn’t seem to be an issue for Rage and Carl, but it is for me. Because I’ve seen what happens when you put your trust in people like that. They break your heart.’ I tug at the material of my T-shirt and grimace. ‘Some of the buggers even rip it from your chest.’
    Then I go and lie down and stare at the ceiling and don’t say anything else for the rest of the night.

SIX
    I train hard for the next week. Now that Master Zhang has started practising proper moves with me, I learn new things every day. It’s a real mix — karate, judo, boxing. We also focus a lot on fighting with knives, steel bars, hammers,