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years!’
    ‘Do you know Ben, you make it all sound so simple, but deep down I think you’re right... trouble is I can’t pretend the way you do. I can’t sit there and laugh at Roddy’s antics just so I get fed properly. If I did that I’d feel like I was a performing seal, clapping my hands and barking just to get my next mouthful of fish. No, bugger the bank and sod Roddy. I’d sooner come down here from work and eat Jim’s cooking. At least that way she’ll see that I’m not going to be treated like her pet puppy. More likely this dog will bite before long if she doesn’t change her ways.’
    ‘Tim, you’re doing this all wrong mate, trust me. Your way can only end in trouble!’
    ‘We’ll see Ben, we’ll see!’

C HAPTER T WO
    As the days came ever closer to July the weather was scorching hot. But while everyone was talking about the heat wave outside, the frost inside was as thick as ever. Tim was holding out for some sign of surrender from Melanie, who was unwilling to forgive him for the way he’d treated her on the night she’d planned her surprise for him.
    If he hadn’t been so stupid, she reasoned, their row would be forgotten by now, but he still had no idea of the treat she’d had in store for him that evening. With neither of them prepared to make the first move to end hostilities the gulf between them widened with each passing day. Tim was still confiding in Ben, who continued to proffer advice from what he believed was his vast expanse of knowledge on the subject of relationships. Tim, experiencing the longest dispute of his married life, was unable to gauge the goodness of this advice. He listened intently to Ben’s theories on marriage, sex and life in general, despite Ben’s glaringly obvious failure to excel at any of them. The two took some comfort from each other’s misery, convinced that eventually the women would realise how foolish they’d been. Ben kept reminding Tim that soon Melanie would be begging for forgiveness, while Tim tried to convince Ben that his career would shortly take a giant stride forward, leaving Nina to apologise for the harsh things she’d said. While Tim was talking over his problems in the Globe his wife was on the same topic at home with Nina as they emptied another bottle of Chardonnay. Melanie was indignant that someone of Ben’s ilk could have the audacity to interfere in her marriage.
    “Did you know that Ben has been giving Tim marriage guidance advice while they’ve been playing pool?”
    “Oh that’s brilliant! Ben couldn’t give good advice on how to cross the road!”
    “Well Tim seems to believe Ben has a deep understanding of women. In one of our rare moments of conversation he let on that Ben understands our marriage problems better than me! When I asked him how Ben knew about our problems he said, ‘Do you think women are the only ones who can talk about these things. I bet you and Nina have talked about nothing else for the last two weeks’ I couldn’t really deny that could I, so I said, Well you might do better to talk to Nina than that big oaf who can’t hold a job down for more than two minutes.’ I’m sorry Neen, I know it wasn’t my place to say that but it came out in my anger at the way Tim’s treated me since the other night, you know, when I was ready to end this row.”
    “Don’t worry Mel; you couldn’t say anything about Ben that I haven’t already said. Trouble is he’s so thick he doesn’t seem to understand that I mean all the things I say, he doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s a waste of space.”
    “How did you come to marry him Neen? You must have loved him once?”
    “Yes I suppose so.... we were all hanging around together just after I’d finished my degree, he was a bit of a lad and we had a lot of fun together. He was a big lad with a big personality, which I suppose he still is. His laddish ways impressed me then and because he was always at the centre of things I felt important