Young Tales of the Old Cosmos Read Online Free PDF Page B

saying, ‘I recently had a most unexpected patient come to visit me, not a human being or even a clever animal, but an inanimate object that was sentient. Has anyone ever heard of such a thing! For many minutes I was too surprised to react, but finally I recovered my wits and asked it to lie down on the couch.’
    “And at this point, Karl Mondaugen interrupted with, ‘I’m not the only mad inventor at large in the world. I believe there’s a fellow by the name of Frabjal Troose who specialises in imparting consciousness to everyday items such as tables, kettles and shoes.’
    “Dr Kennedy nodded with some relief, ‘Then it must have been one of his creations. Anyway, the object in question was a telescope, a reflector in fact, a 12 inch Schmidt-Cassegrain if you want to be very precise, and it said to me, ‘I won’t lie down, thanks, I’m tripod mounted’ and so I didn’t want to press the issue. I asked the telescope what the trouble was, had it been having suicidal thoughts, was it hearing voices, etc? But it replied in the negative to those questions and then it sighed and said, ‘I want to tell you a story, if that’s acceptable.’ Naturally I nodded my approval and the telescope began describing a discovery it had recently made which would rattle the science of astronomy to its core.’
    “Hywel Price and the other patrons of The Tall Story waited patiently while Dr Kennedy paused to order another beer. Because they are human they had very alien assumptions and nobody in the room objected to Dr Kennedy’s definition of astronomy as ‘science’ whereas we constellations know it’s just an art and that it shouldn’t be confused with astrology, a real science. Anyway, he drank his beer.”
    Ophiuchus paused at this point for breath…
    “It’s a tale within a tale within a tale!” cried Libra. “I hope it doesn’t go on much longer! I’m so confused!”
    “I’m sure all the loose ends will get tied up,” said Gemini.
    “Who gives a damn?” sneered Orion.
    Ophiuchus was finally ready to resume his account. “When the second glass of Dr Kennedy was empty he continued his tale by saying, ‘I asked the telescope to proceed with its story and it told me that while studying the constellation known as Orion it had noticed a dramatic change in one of its stars. The star Betelgeux. That’s one of the most famous stars in the entire sky. Betelgeux is a red giant, in other words it has consumed all its hydrogen and is eating other fuels instead, expanding in the process until it becomes a bloated monster. Betelgeux is one of the largest and reddest stars anywhere. It’s a firm favourite.’
    “And Hywel Price answered, ‘We all know what Betelgeux is, but how does this concern anyone at all?’
    “To which Dr Kennedy said, ‘The telescope had noticed that Betelgeux had turned from red to pink. It was no longer a red giant but a pink giant! What could it mean? One thing. The star Betelgeux had ‘come out’ as gay. That’s the only conclusion.’ Yes.
    “The mightiest star in the toughest constellation was now openly gay. It had to mean trouble somewhere along the line. Orion is far too macho to be rational about it. That’s me speaking now, not Dr Kennedy, and the reason I told that tale was to break the news obliquely on behalf of Orion because if left to himself I don’t think he’ll ever do that, he’ll just keep it secret and grow more and more bad tempered. The gayness of Betelgeux explains his recent grouchiness.”
    Gemini peered at Orion. “Is this true?”
    Libra squinted. “Yes, it is. I can see the colour of Betelgeux for myself and it’s bright pink. Not at all red.”
    Orion was acutely embarrassed. “I did want to make an announcement but I didn’t know how to save face.”
    “Why does the sexuality of Betelgeux matter?”
    Orion shifted uncomfortably. “Well, it shouldn’t matter, but when you have a certain image to display…”
    “None of us care in the