heard her because his head snaps up and when he spots her running towards him, his face lights up, smiling. It’s the kind of smile that could light up a dark cloudy day.
Walking faster to catch up to them, I can already hear Josephina asking the many questions that I knew she would; her curious little mind always wanting answers. She had begun asking me questions when we returned to my booth, but I kept telling her I couldn’t answer them at the moment, earning me a very disappointed scowl. She knew I was purposely avoiding her questions.
It isn’t that I didn’t want her to know the truth; I just didn’t know how to tell her. Up until now she’s been told she didn’t have a dad, like every other child does, because she was special . I know it wasn’t the answer she deserved, but it was the only answer that I could ever give her. I didn’t know what had happened with Joseph. Even now, I still don’t know. And I accepted that.
The first question I hear come from her mouth is, “How do you know my mommy?” The moment she finishes saying it, I grow worried about his answer; leaving me fixed to the spot I’m standing in, hoping that he doesn’t say more than necessary.
“Your mommy used to live next door to me when we were little,” he answers, his voice sounding soft and gentle as he speaks to her.
Josephina’s eyes light up. “You grew up on a farm too?” she says, the excitement clear in her voice as she asks the question, surprising Joseph.
Josephina has never known the truth of where I really grew up. The only place she knew of was the place she was born, which happens to be a farm. So of course it would be the place she would envision that I grew up as well. Knowing I need to stop her curiosity before Joseph can reveal the truth, I say, “Josephina, I don’t think it’s very polite to bombard Joseph with questions.”
She’s about to say something, but I purse my lips and narrow my eyes straight at her in a warning not to challenge me. She stays quiet for a couple of seconds before asking, “Mommy, can I go play now?”
“Yes, sweetheart, but you know the rules. Stay where you can always see me, okay?” I remind her.
She smiles as she nods her head and runs off towards the play area without looking back, too excited to play. Smiling to myself, I watch her start to climb the jungle gym. When I know she’s safely playing, I quickly avert my eyes back to Joseph, remembering that he’s still there.
I see him intensely watching her. His stare focused straight at her as she moves around with the other children. He doesn’t take his eyes off her at all; the admiration on his face is astonishing.
Standing there, I wait for him to face me. When he does, I explain her earlier comment, trying to clear his confusion. “Sorry, Josephina thinks I grew up on a farm my whole life. It’s the only thing she knows about me,” I tell him.
Joseph’s somber face is staring back at me. “I don’t know what to say to you, Kasey. I’m so angry right now, but at the same time, I’m more hurt and confused than anything else. In my head I keep repeating what you said earlier, without being able to understand a word of it. What do you mean you were forced to leave, when I was told that you chose to leave? It’s as if you were trying to punish me by not telling me I had a daughter, or that you were even pregnant. Was that your intention the whole time?”
“You think that I chose to keep her from you?”
“What other explanation can there be, Kasey? I came back after boot camp and you were already gone. I came back looking for you . Your parents told me you left for college out of state. So the way I see it, you had already made your decision by leaving. You made the decision to keep her from me,” he says, his voice laced with anger.
Just as mad, I take a deep breath to try to calm myself before I respond. “ I didn’t choose to leave, Joseph. My parents forced me to when they found out I was
Walking faster to catch up to them, I can already hear Josephina asking the many questions that I knew she would; her curious little mind always wanting answers. She had begun asking me questions when we returned to my booth, but I kept telling her I couldn’t answer them at the moment, earning me a very disappointed scowl. She knew I was purposely avoiding her questions.
It isn’t that I didn’t want her to know the truth; I just didn’t know how to tell her. Up until now she’s been told she didn’t have a dad, like every other child does, because she was special . I know it wasn’t the answer she deserved, but it was the only answer that I could ever give her. I didn’t know what had happened with Joseph. Even now, I still don’t know. And I accepted that.
The first question I hear come from her mouth is, “How do you know my mommy?” The moment she finishes saying it, I grow worried about his answer; leaving me fixed to the spot I’m standing in, hoping that he doesn’t say more than necessary.
“Your mommy used to live next door to me when we were little,” he answers, his voice sounding soft and gentle as he speaks to her.
Josephina’s eyes light up. “You grew up on a farm too?” she says, the excitement clear in her voice as she asks the question, surprising Joseph.
Josephina has never known the truth of where I really grew up. The only place she knew of was the place she was born, which happens to be a farm. So of course it would be the place she would envision that I grew up as well. Knowing I need to stop her curiosity before Joseph can reveal the truth, I say, “Josephina, I don’t think it’s very polite to bombard Joseph with questions.”
She’s about to say something, but I purse my lips and narrow my eyes straight at her in a warning not to challenge me. She stays quiet for a couple of seconds before asking, “Mommy, can I go play now?”
“Yes, sweetheart, but you know the rules. Stay where you can always see me, okay?” I remind her.
She smiles as she nods her head and runs off towards the play area without looking back, too excited to play. Smiling to myself, I watch her start to climb the jungle gym. When I know she’s safely playing, I quickly avert my eyes back to Joseph, remembering that he’s still there.
I see him intensely watching her. His stare focused straight at her as she moves around with the other children. He doesn’t take his eyes off her at all; the admiration on his face is astonishing.
Standing there, I wait for him to face me. When he does, I explain her earlier comment, trying to clear his confusion. “Sorry, Josephina thinks I grew up on a farm my whole life. It’s the only thing she knows about me,” I tell him.
Joseph’s somber face is staring back at me. “I don’t know what to say to you, Kasey. I’m so angry right now, but at the same time, I’m more hurt and confused than anything else. In my head I keep repeating what you said earlier, without being able to understand a word of it. What do you mean you were forced to leave, when I was told that you chose to leave? It’s as if you were trying to punish me by not telling me I had a daughter, or that you were even pregnant. Was that your intention the whole time?”
“You think that I chose to keep her from you?”
“What other explanation can there be, Kasey? I came back after boot camp and you were already gone. I came back looking for you . Your parents told me you left for college out of state. So the way I see it, you had already made your decision by leaving. You made the decision to keep her from me,” he says, his voice laced with anger.
Just as mad, I take a deep breath to try to calm myself before I respond. “ I didn’t choose to leave, Joseph. My parents forced me to when they found out I was
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