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sitting in the kitchen, staring out the window, wondering what to give my dad for his birthday, and I heard Mom say, Handkerchiefs, honey. Your father always wanted monogrammed handkerchiefs, and I never got around to buying them. That was when I started believing, Marian, and I’ve believed ever since. Even now, when I’ve got a problem, I talk to Mom. And she’s always there, right inside my head, giving me advice and loving me.”
    “Thanks, Sally.” Marian spoke past the lump in her throat. “Thank you for telling me.”
    “Well . . .” Sally cleared her throat and got up. “More coffee, Marian? I have a feeling the guys’ll be tied up for quite a while. Ronnie’s got a captive audience, and he’s going to take full advantage of it.”
     
     
    Ronnie had gone to start the van, and then he would come back to wheel him out. Dan sat stiff and straight in his chair. Ronnie was being nice, but Dan couldn’t help but resent this whole evening. Ronnie had wheeled him around like an invalid, and that had made him feel even more helpless. Now Ronnie was starting the van. What kind of man was he if he couldn’t even start his own damn car?
    There was a sound from the living room, and Dan turned his head to see. Jenny was stretched out in front of the TV, Muffy beside her. She was laughing at some program, stroking Muffy’s head absently with her hand. It made him sick to see Muffy and Jenny together. Muffy was Laura’s dog! Laura should have been there petting Muffy, and instead it was Jenny. Jenny was the lucky one. Jenny was still alive. If he had the power, he would have changed things. Jenny would be gone, and Laura would be here, happy, alive, laughing at the program on television.
    Shame made him wince. It wasn’t right to think this way. Jenny was a nice little girl. He liked Jenny. But Laura was his.
    “All right, let’s go!” Ronnie came in the front door with a bang and took his place behind Dan’s chair. “Marian’ll be out in a second. Sally’s wrapping up a couple of fruitcakes for her.”
    The cold was chilling as Ronnie pushed him down the shoveled walk and out to the driveway. Dan felt cold all over, now that he knew the truth. He wasn’t fit to socialize with anyone. He resented Sally and Ronnie, their closeness as a family. Watching them hurt too much. If this kept up, he’d hate all the happy people, and that was sick. He was much better off staying by himself with only his painful thoughts for company.
     
     
    Muffy was stretched out on the rug when Marian walked through the living room. The little dog turned to stare at her with sorrowful eyes.
    “It’ll be all right, Muffy.” Marian reached down to pat her soft golden hair. “You be a good girl now and play with Jenny.”
    Muffy’s pink tongue came out to lick Marian’s hand. There were tears in Marian’s eyes as she let herself out the front door and hurried to the van. She felt as if she’d left a part of Laura here at the Powells’. But soon things would be better. Sally had helped. Now she had new hope. It was all just a matter of time.
    Sally watched the van pull down the driveway until it turned at the road. She was worried about Marian. There was something wrong, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Marian had changed, and it frightened her. Of course, she had expected that Marian would be subdued and sad. That was normal. But now there was something about Marian that made Sally desperately uneasy.
    Sally stood at the kitchen window and looked out over the snowbanks. Jenny’s snowman was near the edge of the driveway, looking comically disreputable. How would she feel if Jenny were dead? The very thought was so painful that Sally winced.
    How about Ronnie? What if he were paralyzed? Sally shivered in the warm kitchen. What would she do? How would she cope, knowing that her husband was confined to a wheelchair?
    There was no answer for that. Even though she tried, it was impossible to put herself in