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Out of any conversation. But I could just see their lips moving in the dark, so I knew they were still talking.They were both on their backs, talking up at the ceiling.They were probably whispering their night secrets but how would I know?
    It felt horribly familiar. Even at school, in broad daylight, half the time I felt like everyone was whispering secrets.Every time I couldn’t make out what someone was saying by lip-reading, every time someone turned away, or covered their mouths so I couldn’t follow what was being said, I wondered what I was missing out on.
    I don’t know if Nadia and Shae had just forgotten that I couldn’t hear them, or if they didn’t care. Either way my friends were ignoring me. I didn’t know what they were saying. And they were obviously saying a lot . Shae might even have been sharing her feelings about Stavros.
    Cold fear rushed through me. Maybe they weren’t ignoring me. Maybe they were whispering about me.
    I propped my head up to get a better look at them. Their mouths were moving at the same time, making the same shapes. They were singing.
    Somehow it was just as bad as being whispered about. I didn’t even know what the song was.
    I switch back from breaststroke to freestyle mid-lap. I am eager to move away from the memory now.
    From that night, I ditched the sleepovers. I gave myself a curfew, made excuses. But I didn’t know that what was coming would come anyway.
    I swim faster, but it doesn’t help. Now that I’ve started, a whole tangle of things I don’t want to think about are flashing through my mind.
    The fight with Nadia on the oval that day.
    Making a fool of myself with Jules.
    I keep breathing, keep swimming, but my mind is on fast forward and, as if the fight and the stuff with Jules isn’t enough, I start thinking about that day at Northfield.The thing I really don’t want to remember.
    I think of that huge guard, his hand heavy on my shoulder.I think of the panic overwhelming me, and the feeling of not getting enough oxygen. But mostly I think of all those people looking at me with disgust – or was it pity?
    I’ve had enough for today. I swim to the side of the pool where the steps are and get out.

chapter 6
    Flawless has a new green Saab. It gleams in our driveway, making Dad’s ute look extra dirty. I bite my lip as I edge past it. I’m glad that the boys will be here, but with Flawless and Mum around, the interrogation will be planned and there’ll be no escape.
    I put down my school bag. I need a minute to prepare for their onslaught.
    I can see them through the kitchen window. They make a great team. Flawless always agrees with Mum, and Mum loves to be agreed with. I am the perfect subject for them, and the way Flawless is nodding as she chops vegetables makes me think that I’m being discussed right now.
    Flawless was twelve when I was born. She wasn’t Flawless to me back then. She was Felicity, and I adored her. I was heartbroken whenever she went to stay with her own mum, and was always rapt when she came home. I loved it when people said we both looked like Dad. That she was a fair version, and I was the dark one. I copied the way she dressed and the way she spoke. I followed her around everywhere.
    I was only eight when she met Ryan. They were both at uni, both studying law. Ryan was a few years older.He already had his own house and car. I could see why my sister fell for him. He was a handsome mature-age student.Except that he wasn’t very mature – he was really funny.He would put a pillow up the back of his T-shirt and pretend to be the hunchback of Notre Dame. He used to lope around chasing me until I squealed for Felicity to come and rescue me.
    Felicity didn’t finish her law degree. She got pregnant and had Harry instead.
    I loved being a nine-year-old auntie. And back then Felicity was still fun. Ryan was pretty successful by the time they had Oscar. But it